A Sweet Smelling Aroma

This past week my journey through the Scriptures has situated me in the book of Exodus. Sometimes, I have to admit reading through some of the Old Testament can leave me unmoved, unchanged. But, I have been challenged this time by the truths that God allowed me to see through the travels of the Israelites following their exodus from Egypt.

Here they were recipients of God's provision for their very lives. He saw them safely through the Red Sea as the army of Pharoah were in hot pursuit. He listened to their complaints in the desert when they cried out for food and water. He provided direction for them by day and night. He gave human leadership to guide them in the paths that they were to go. And yet, when they did not see Moses return from the mountain quickly enough, they turned their face away from God and pressured Aaron to create a golden calf that they bowed down in worship to.

God in His righteous anger expressed to Moses that He would destroy the Israelites and make of Moses a great nation. But, Moses pled their case and reminded God that by destroying the wandering host He would be mocked by the world around them. God relented to His desire to destroy them.

Over and over again, the Israelites would fall away in their sin and God would provide a way for them to atone for their wrong-doing. The sweet aroma of sacrifice is spoken about throughout the Old Testament. The very fragrance of penitent hearts seeking forgiveness would reach His nostrils. God in His great love forgave.

How like the Israelites I can be. It seems that I wander about unable at times to see the direction of the Lord or perhaps unwilling to yield to His Will. There are moments where I complain and question His goodness. In fact, whole years have passed where I turned my back on Him and choose to follow idols that brought nothing but death and destruction.

Only because of His great compassion and love for me am I still walking this earth. I have done nothing to deserve His goodness. But, I praise Him for the mercy that He continues to pour out on me. He has made me a sweet smelling aroma. On the altar of forgiveness through the blood of His Son, Jesus Christ, I stand redeemed. The Lord has poured on me the aroma of His love. He has poured on me the aroma of justification. And He has redeemed me from the penalty of my sin by the sweet fragrance of His sacrifice. God, the Father breathes the sweet smelling aroma of my repentant heart and grants me forgiveness.

Oh God, how I long to be an aroma poured out and spent for You. May others who come around me know Your great love through the fragrance that comes from a life that is free from sin and shame because of Your unending mercy and grace.

Feeling Splintered

Have you ever had that feeling that everything about your life is splintered? Little fragments of moments, weeks and years that once made up a life, now broken into shards? That is how I feel tonight.

Just this morning I was praying over the Scripture in Mark, "Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it." And as I read it I was reminded of how many times I have not denied myself - but I have followed the desire of the flesh. Each one of those instances caused a splinter. Some of the splinters remained deeply buried until I made a decision that I would walk in truth before God and others.

Now each splinter must be lanced, removed and the wound cleansed. That does not mean that there will not be scars. Some of the scars are deep and have penetrated into my very soul. Yet, Jesus said that we must deny ourselves and take up our cross. The cross that He asks us to take up is to surrender our will to His. But, if we truly do want to follow Him then the cross must be taken up and our own wills must be denied.

Oh Lord Jesus, as I have prayed in the past I pray all the more earnestly now - please guide me into the center of your Will. Teach me the path that I must take in order to live a life that is congruent. Take the splinters of my life and make of them an altar. An altar where I can pour out my life as an offering that is a sweet smelling fragrance to you.

"O soul, are you weary and troubled?
No light in the darkness you see?
There’s a light for a look at the Savior,
And life more abundant and free!"

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace."

Helen H. Lemmel

Which Way Lord?

There are times where I just wish God would write in big, bold letters across the sky which way He intends me to go. Or perhaps an email sent with high importance. Or how about a special angel that steps in right at the point of decision - grabs my hand and leads me down the right path. But, it does not seem that He works that way. It seems that He wants me to trust that He has given me the direction and then that I walk in that way.

Recently, I have been struggling with a decision that impacts my work life. Through circumstances that are unimportant now I was convinced that I needed to seek out new employment. A casual comment by a friend led me to the Internet and the beginning of a job search. As each phase of the process unfolded I would petition the Lord for direction. If it were to be "stay where you are" then the door would close. If it were to be "move on" then the doors would continue to open. At each successive step the answer was "move on".

Now though as the time becomes closer to when I must make known my intention I have begun to waffle. Back and forth. Should I stay, should I go. I have talked to more people than I can count about the decision and with each counselor came a different perspective and I became more and more confused.

Today though I had opportunity to just draw near to the Lord and talk to Him. I sang my praises to Him and lifted my concerns up to Him. Finally, it came to me. "Carol, I have told you but, you continue to doubt that you have heard Me." That was the message. Simply put. "Do you trust Me?" Wow - was it really Him or was I just thinking it was. No, it really was Him. He reminded me of each step in this process. He reminded me of each request that I had made of Him for confirmation. And so I can come with confidence to the point of decision and know which way the Lord has directed my path.

And so, I press on. New challenges, new people, new perspective. The old will stand as a memorial of what was. Just as stones of remembrance were used in the Old Testament to signify when God answered prayers I will put this day down as a stone of remembrance. God has shown me that He does speak to me. He only asks me now if I will trust that I heard His voice.

Correction and Direction

Psalm 23:4 - Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

How many times over the years have I read or listened to this familiar passage of scripture and the words just passed through my mind and heart without really taking root - until just the other day. I was caught off guard by the phrase "rod and staff". Two totally different tools - with two totally different uses. The rod as seen in scripture often was used as an implement of force. The staff on the other hand is an implement used by the shepherds to guide a wayward sheep back into the fold. The very crook of the staff allowed the shepherd to bring the sheep back by the neck if need be.

So David, the great shepherd of the Psalm noted that the rod and the staff comforted him. How so? How can the rod (correction) and the staff (direction) bring comfort? Ask most anyone and they will tell you that the rod was never something that they saw as comforting. Yet, when kept in view of its purpose - it does bring comfort. The rod was meant to teach through consequences the peril of decisions made. The rod was a teacher. Proverbs says that "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him." So then if we believe that God loves us does it not then make sense that the rod of correction would comfort us? I believe it to be so. The rod of correction is teaching me to become congruent with the will of God. To not have this correction would bring about destruction.

The staff as seen in scripture not only was a guide for the sheep but it also was used to lean on or to help in maintaining a sure footing while walking through the mountains and pasturelands. What a picture that is of the direction that comes from God. He is there willing and able to help guide us in the way that we should go and also there for us to lean on when our way becomes difficult or we become weary from our toil. What a comfort!

The rod and the staff - they do comfort me because I have seen them used mightily in my life as well as in the lives of others. While the way of the rod can be painful at times it is a symbol of God's unrelenting love as my Father. The staff demonstrates again and again His desire to lead me to the still waters that will restore my soul. I will ever seek to praise His goodness and mercy all the days of my life. Thank you Father.

My Mothers' Hands

Recently, my family held an 85th birthday party for my mom. It was a great time to reconnect with my brother and sisters. Most importantly it gave me an opportunity to honor my mother in front of my family. Exodus 20:12 says "Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the LORD your God gives you." I realized that I had let that opportunity slip away before I had an opportunity to honor Dad. I guess as I grow older I realize just how fragile life is and how quickly we can lose our loved ones. I do not want to miss opportunities to honor those who have had an impact on my life.

As I was skimming through some of my poems that I have written over the years I came across this one. It came to me one time when I looked at my hands and realized that I was starting to take on the appearance of my mother's hands.

My Mothers' Hands

As I looked down and viewed my hands
What I saw with amazement was my Mothers' Hands

I wondered as I looked at the spots and the skin
Would these hands show the love of my Mothers' hands?

I thought of the labor, the pain and the toil
Would these hands work like my Mothers' hands?

I remembered the touch, the comfort and care
Would these hands show compassion like my Mothers' hands?

I pondered the skill, the diligence and pride
Would these hands be proficient like my Mothers' hands?

As I looked and viewed my own small hands
I prayed they would become more like my Mothers' hands.

My Mom is an inspiration to me. She has prayed me through some of the darkest times of my life. I honor her today for being a woman of prayer and faith. I honor her for demonstrating to those around her what it means to sacrifice for family. I honor her most of all for her love for the Father and her hearts desire to walk in His light.

Harassed and Helpless

Matthew 9:36 "When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd."

Lately, it seems that due to my characteristic behaviors I find myself feeling just like the crowd that Matthew writes about in the verse above. I feel harassed and helpless. In my head I know that I need to lean on the Shepherd, listen to His voice and follow - but my heart at times leads me in the opposite way into dangerous areas of disobedience. Why is that?

I know that when we come to faith in Christ, we have the fullness of the Godhead indwelling us and that the Spirit takes up residence within us. But, we still continue to want our own way, make decisions a part from Him and at times totally walk opposite of the path that the Shepherd leads us on. This is frustrating to me. There are times where I just think "why can't I just walk as the Shepherd wants me to walk, why do I feel I have to go my own way?"

Last night I spent a lot of the wee hours of the morning thinking about this. It seems that despite all the lessons learned in the past I still struggle with the Lordship of Christ. I choose Him as Savior, but yielding to His Lordship is still an issue. I want to continue to keep my "fingers" in it. Full and complete release of control is very hard for me. And so I make choices that often times are not reflective of the fact that I am the embodiment of Christ here on earth.

Will I ever be surrendered completely? Perhaps that is the problem. Maybe I think that this is something that happens here on earth when in reality the total and complete surrender comes only when we are in heaven. The free will that God gave to us continues to war with the Lord over who is in control. It may be that the war can only be won one battle at a time. Perhaps I am not looking at this as I should. Perhaps I am thinking that complete victory is possible here.

As I was writing this a song came to mind from long ago days. We don't sing these songs much any more but the words are so appropriate for where I am at today. I pray that the words of this old hymn will become real to me today.

Savior, Like a Shepherd Lead Us
by William Bradbury

Savior, like a shepherd lead us
Much we need Thy tender care;
In Thy pleasant pastures feed us
For our use Thy folds prepare:

Blessed Jesus, Blessed Jesus
Thou has bought us, Thine we are;
Blessed Jesus, Blessed Jesus
Thou has bought us, Thine we are.

We are Thine; do Thou befriend us
Be the Guardian of our way;
Keep Thy flock, from sin defend us
Seek us when we go astray:

Blessed Jesus, Blessed Jesus
Hear Thy children when we pray;
Blessed Jesus, Blessed Jesus
Hear Thy children when we pray

Early let us seek Thy favor;
Early let us do Thy will;
Blessed Lord and only Savior
With thy love our bosoms fill:

Blessed Jesus, Blessed Jesus
Thou hast loved us, love us still;
Blessed Jesus, Blessed Jesus
Thou hast loved us, love us still.

Amen and Amen. Blessed Jesus, love me still.

One Square at Friendly's

This morning I spent a couple of spirit-led hours with my dear friend, Becky. I didn't know if we would be able to meet today because of the sleet that was falling when I woke up. But, we braved the elements and headed out.

For the first few minutes we caught up on the latest in the lives of our families but within a short time we got down to the subject at hand. What does it really mean to love God? How many times do you think that discussion takes place at your local restaurant?

On the table-top were a series of small squares of light tan. I began using those as points to our discussion. We talked of how our sin keeps us in a box that Satan uses to his advantage. We are bound by the condemnation that he whispers in our ear. Meanwhile, God is quietly calling to us to remember that He has said "Therefore there is now no condemnation to them that are in Christ Jesus." This led us to wonder why it is that we cannot trust ourselves when it comes to hearing the still small voice of our Father. Why is it that we can hear so clearly the voice of the oppressor, yet the lifegiver we at times refuse to believe we have heard. Is it because we feel we are not worthy of His voice? Or is it because it has just been safer to be in the box. After all, there is nothing really required of us when we live within the boundaries of the past. It becomes safe. It is easy to condemn ourselves for the failures of the past rather than to move past them. It is easier to be co-dependent on ourselves.

Now that was a new square in the discussion. I have suffered from co-dependent behavior most of my life. There has always been something that I have tried to use to fill the emptiness of my spirit. The co-dependency led to a long dry period in my life where I turned away from God and from a spirit-fed life because I felt let down. Why was it that God had allowed this to happen to me? He said that I was fearfully and wonderfully made. If that is so - why would He make me this way? I realized as I discussed this further with Becky that I have now transferred my co-dependent behavior from other people to a co-dependence on my own failures. As long as I muse through them, softly massaging the memories - I can remain in the box.

But, God brings us freedom. He shouts - Perfectly love casts out fear. Why do you want to be in that box that contains you - that keeps you from living the abundant life? Why are you fearful of being who I made you to be? Why are you afraid to share the freedom from sin that I have provided? Do you love me enough? This makes me think of how Jesus said to Peter, "Peter, do you love me?"

Father - my heart's desire is to be totally in love with You, to hear your voice as you whisper your love to me. I pray for the strength to move out of the boxes that I made and to live in the freedom that only You provide. Let me hear Your voice and teach me to hear it and to respond - trusting that I can hear You. Let my spirit be free from the co-dependence on my past. Help me to live in Your trust.

Bless you, Becky. Bless you for your faithfulness to me even when I ran away. Bless you for your fierce desire to live for God. Bless you for being willing to turn to the wolves and say "No, I will not abandon my Father." May God richly bless you for being His daughter and living your life as transparently as you can. May you continue to hear the voice of the Shepherd.