Bittersweet Parting

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 "Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. 14We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. 15According to the Lord's own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. 16For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. 17After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. 18Therefore encourage each other with these words."

A saint has gone home to be with the Lord. And we who knew her grieve our loss but praise God for the healing that our dear sister, Nancy has received. Even now we can picture her going from friend to friend in heaven asking all kinds of questions in the style that Nancy was known for.

I remember when I first met her. My Geoff was in first grade at Mt. Calvary Christian School and Nancy was the 2nd grade teacher. She had a way about her with children. They flocked to her - even though she was a very strict disciplinarian. The kids knew where they stood with her all the time. And they respected and loved her for it. Geoff and his friends were the last 2nd grade class Nancy taught before she became the elementary principal. She always said that class was the one that brought her teaching career to an end. Not sure what she meant by that! :)

When I was working at the school Nancy would periodically come up to my office to visit or check on the status of one of the kids that she was concerned about. More often than not though, I know she was coming to see how I was. Nancy knew that I was struggling with deep problems. Never one to pry, she just would hug me and let me know that I was loved. I missed her when I left the school.

Years passed when I was in the dark time of my great sadness. I often would ask about her and was saddened when I learned that she was diagnosed with cancer. Through it all she continued to minister and work with the children at the school until the treatments and the illness just made it too difficult to continue. It was a sad day for Mt. Calvary when Nancy left her little office for the last time. I have such fond memories of her office with her collection of pigs on the shelves and window sills. Such a cheery place where even the worst offender could find both correction and love.

Just two short months ago we had a surprise birthday party for our friend. She was good that Saturday. Laughing, asking questions about the kids and rejoicing in the fact that I had found my way back from the darkness. It was a wonderful afternoon and something that I will cherish as I go through the years to come.

Hard as it is to say goodbye we are not like those who have no hope. As much as Nancy loved her family and her children at the school - she loved her Lord most of all. And now, she is with Him. I can imagine her looking at His face and asking to see the nail prints in His hand. I can hear her praising Him for His forgiveness and mercy. And I can imagine her looking at us and thinking "just wait till you get to come home!"

We will miss you dear friend! But, we are so thankful that you are even now dancing on the streets of heaven.

Idolatry - a Subtle Foe

I have decided to share my heart at a deeper level. In recent posts I have drawn from events that have surrounded my life but have rarely delved into the inner work that God is doing in my life. Perhaps it will be of no other value than to give me a way to verbalize what I am sensing God is teaching but if it can give anyone else aid then I will see that as a blessing.

Idolatry is a harsh word. And it is one that I believe I have misled myself about all of these years. I wanted to believe that I was not an idolater. And I based that opinion solely on the fact that I never bowed down and worshipped any type of idols. But in recent months I have found myself staring into the mirror and seeing that the very darkness of my heart is wrapped in the cloak of a foe that hides itself in different disguises. Idolatry none-the-less.

Deuteronomy 6:5 "Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength."

This verse makes it very clear to me what idolatry is. Anything that diminishes the love that I have for God is idolatry. WOW! Just let that sink in for a minute. How in the world is it that God commands me to love Him with all my heart and with all my soul and with all my strength and then to love my neighbor as myself? How is that possible?

In and of my own strength it is not possible. My life story has proven that out. In my quest to "love my neighbor" I have allowed that love to become the end in and of itself. What has become most important to me is approval. I have sought the approval of others to the exclusion of being in relationship with the God I purport to love. Many of the choices I have made have come from an unwillingness to truly love God and to let go of the affirmation and love of those who have brought pain and sorrow to my life.

This is the highest form of idolatry. When I put the opinions and approval of others before my love of God and the desire to be obedient to His Word I have become an idolater. This is where my great sorrow comes from. Now - to press into change.

A Lesson from "24"

“Can you believe it?” Andy asked me on Monday morning. “What a shocker! I never would have guessed it of Tony” I replied. In case you are wondering what we were talking about it was the unbelievable turn of events on the TV series “24”. All season long we unwary watchers had been roped into believing that Tony Almeda was a good guy – out to save America from all the ills of terrorism and its accompanying pain. Little did we know that the writers of the program took our natural inclination to judge people based on their outward appearance and actions to dupe us into believing that Tony would be there during Jack and America’s darkest hour.

Within a five minute window of time, Tony went from hero to assassin, from friend to betrayer, from patriot to terrorist. It left me shaken and questioning my ability to really judge the intent of his heart.

The prophet Jeremiah spoke about this very thing when he wrote “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” Humanly speaking we are unable to understand the depth of the depravity of our own hearts let alone the state of another’s. This is why Jesus commanded that we were not to judge one another. He spoke of making sure that we deal with the log in our own eye before we try and extract the splinter from someone else’s.

It is not important what our perceptions are of others. What is important is the genuine honesty of our own heart. God looks at the heart while we look at outward appearances. When we strive to live up to expectations of others we are setting ourselves up for failure. And when others disappoint us we need to keep in mind that they too are frail and unable to meet our needs without the intervention of God in their lives.

God desires that we all come to him with a contrite heart, willing to change any of the deceitful ways that separate us from Him. It is only as we submit to the change that comes from walking in the Light that we will be less likely to judge others.

So next week when I turn on “24” I will look at Tony Almeda from a different view. I will no longer be so naïve that I believe his motives are pure. But then again maybe I won’t even care to question.

Father, teach us to examine our own hearts to ensure that we are walking in the Light of your Truth and in obedience to the way You would have us live. Help us to refrain from judging the thoughts and intents of the hearts of those we come in contact with. May we grow to trust in Your unfailing love.

It's All in Your Perspective

Luke 6:37 - Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

Today I got a real treat. My first ride in a ladder truck. Now that is what I call a vehicle! Everyone on the road respects you. Even the big rigs. Turning corners is certainly an art and not something for the novice driver. Made me appreciate the many hours my husband has spent driving and instructing others in driving these trucks.

While we were out I had a whole different perspective on the road than what I have when driving my pickup truck. You really look down on the other vehicles. And the road is right there in front of you - there is no long hood distorting your vision. There are long mirrors on either side that give the driver the ability to see all of the potential risks on every side. And wow - backing that rig up - now that takes skill. Slick as a knife going through butter, Dave put that truck into reverse and backed it squarely into its stall at the firehouse. Flashing lights and all types of indicators let the driver and crew know the status about all of the various components of the system. At a glance they can tell whether each and every unit of the vehicle is operational.

As I rode along I got to thinking about how life could be like that ladder truck. Sometimes as I ride along I have this habit of looking down on other people as if I could do things better or perhaps have the best advice that could rescue them from all their problems. I judge them for what they do and put it through the sieve of my experiences. Not always a wise thing to do I am finding.

Then there is that ability to see the road right ahead of me. Yes, I am able often to see exactly what is the best course of action but out of my own foolish pride I often times will try and side step it or go off on my own course. That is when those mirrors come in pretty handy. Those friends who are there to admonish or encourage or pray for me and help me get back to the right way.

All along the road there are those flashing lights and indicators that God uses to help us see our way through this troubled life. There are warnings all through the Scripture that when we heed them we will be able to safely get that "vehicle" parked where it belongs - right in the place where God wants us to dwell.

It's all in your perspective.

Various Trials

James 1:2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds,

Sometimes I think that we read these verses and think "yes, that is exactly what I believe" only to find that when the trials of many kinds come we aren't considering it pure joy. At least that is what I have been experiencing of late. I believe that God expects us to take Him at His word. And if we want to grow - there have to be trials. Oh how I wish though that there were an easier way.....

I have been thinking a lot about the past 10 years of my life. In fact, I recently was reflecting on the fact that I was in Israel exactly 10 years ago. Oh how much has changed since then. Some of that change is the natural progression that comes from growing older. My kids have grown to adulthood and for the most part are out on their own. I have a few more gray hairs (although the color from the bottle hides them) and the midlife facts of gravity are having their affect. But, some of the change that I am dealing with are the direct results of sinful choices that I made during this past decade of life.

A season of running and hiding from the God I love resulted in destruction that took a wide swath through my family. Refusal to turn from sin brought about a lot of the pain that we are all still experiencing to this day. And yet in all of it - GOD was still there. He never left me and He never gave up on me.

His grace - His marvelous grace brought about restoration that comes from heartfelt repentance. The pain that sin produces still impacts me because that is the consequence of my choice but I can rejoice in the grace that brought me back to His side. I can rejoice in the fact that the trials that come my way can bring joy because they put me right down on my knees. They bring me to the place where I get "out of myself" and into God. This is the place that I need to stay. I pray that the days to come will bring joy to the lives of those who I love. I pray that the days to come will find my children walking in the truth. I pray that the days to come will find me more like the Savior.

Yes, I will choose this day to count it all joy. I will choose this day to put the past where it belongs - in the past - and walk in newness of life. Praise God for His saving, redeeming grace.

Do What I Can Today

It has really been a hard couple of months for me. I have been really overwhelmed with the busyness of work and some really difficult family situations. Some times in the night I would lay there and just wonder if God really was there and if He really was in control.

What I am finding though is that I have had such a preoccupation with the future. What would happen to my kids, what would happen to my job, what about the economy, on and on it goes. And I am finding that no matter how much I worry about all of this - I cannot make one bit of difference in the future. I can only do what I can do today.

My mom used to quote that verse of scripture that says "Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." Of course, that always makes me chuckle because my mom is the queen of worry. I learned from the master. I realize that God intends me to live in the here and now. Do the best that I can do today to affect change in the lives of those that I have influence on. Work on the project that is at hand and do all that I can to give 100% of my best effort to see that the work TODAY is done well. All of these things are what I truly can do to impact what I say that I am so concerned about.

I need to lay down the thought that I can control anything. God is in control. I am not. No matter what - He has a plan and a purpose for everything. Even the tough things that I would rather not think about or have to deal with. All of it is meant to mold and shape me into the woman of God that He has so longed for me to become. I long to be the faithful servant that He created me to be.

I have limited capacity. The capacity that I have needs to be funneled into the work, the relationships, the joy of today. And maybe - just maybe the future will take care of itself.

Stimulus

All of us, if we have been paying any attention at all to the news have heard all kinds of spins on the economic stimulus package. I must admit, I am a bit of a skeptic about where our country is headed with this whole thing but it has given me cause to reflect on just exactly what a stimulus is.

So I went to the handy-dandy website and typed in the word "stimulus". This is the result of my search:

something that incites to action or exertion or quickens action, feeling, thought, etc

We are all looking for something to spur our sluggish economy into action. But what about a spiritual stimulus?

Lately, I have been spending some time in the Old Testament book of Hosea. If you haven't ever read it - take a look at it. Talk about a stimulus.

Hosea 6:1-3 "Come, let us return to the LORD. He has torn us to pieces but he will heal us; he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds.
After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will restore us, that we may live in his presence. Let us acknowledge the LORD; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth."

Want to have a new fresh view on your life? Want to get rid of that sluggish spiritual economy? Then return to the Lord. Look at the steps that Hosea gives in these verses. First of all, acknowledge the Lord. What does that mean to you? I am getting a whole different view of that. If I believe that Jesus is Lord, then every word of every command must be obeyed. No question. Is that even possible? I believe that it is. If not, then why would God have said in His word -

1 Peter 1:16
for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy."

Next it says to press on to acknowledge Him. Don't quit. Don't give up. I bet that if we would be diligent in acknowledging His Lordship and following His commands and being obedient to what His Word says - we would see a spiritual stimulus that could turn the world upside down.

Ready to give it a try?

Fame

Remember my name. Fame!
I'm gonna live forever
I'm gonna learn how to fly--high!

I feel it comin' together
People will see me and cry. Fame!
I'm gonna make it to heaven
Light up the sky like a flame. Fame!
I'm gonna live forever
Baby, remember my name

Yesterday while I was working out at Curves I heard this song and even though I have heard it probably hundreds of times in my life the words really hit me. "I'm gonna live forever, I'm gonna make it to heaven..." All words meant to pump up the person who listens to it. The person singing this song is wishing to be remembered - and it is all going to come by fame.

So then as is typical of my nature I started thinking about fame. Famous people - like Abraham Lincoln or Coby Bryant or Madam Curie or Ben Roethlisberger or Al Capone, all famous people all people who when their names are mentioned they are remembered. Some for good things - some for not so good.

Why is it that we strive so to be remembered? Is it because we want to give meaning to this brief period of our eternity that is spent here on earth? If we are not remembered does that mean that nothing we did was worth anything? Or is it just that we have put way too much stock in what others think of us? I know for me personally, the latter is the truth. I have spent way too much time worrying about what people may say or think about me. If I spent even 1/10th of the amount of time thinking about what God thinks of me I would find my time better spent.

In reality people don't think too much about us. Oh maybe our loved ones do and of course there are very dear friends who think of us at random times during the day but the reality is that people just don't spend that much time thinking about each other. They spend a lot more time thinking about themselves. We become so self-absorbed and jockeying for position whether it be in our work world, our church world or even in our homes. We want to be the best, the prettiest, the smartest, the funniest and on and on the list goes. But does anybody really care?

God's word speaks to us about having our hearts and minds consumed with the things of this world. In I John the apostle talks of how we are to love not the world for when we do the love of the Father is not in us. We also are told that we should not show partiality to those that we think can do the most for us. We are to treat each person with equality. And that includes even ourselves. That means that when we are tempted to put ourselves first and trample someone else on the way up - that we need to recognize the sin of idolatry and put an end to it.

Fame is fleeting. Maybe in this life I will never be known for anything. Maybe people will not remember my name. Maybe that is a good thing. All I know for certain is that my destiny is in God's hands. And I choose to surrender all the acolades of this life for a crown when I see Jesus. I want to be able to lay a crown at the feet of my Savior and say "Thank you, Dear Lord." This can only be accomplished by putting myself behind others. Crucifying the flesh that threatens to be my undoing.

Rather than singing the words to "Fame" in the days and weeks to come I pray that the words of this old hymn will be the theme of my life.

Oh! to be like Thee, blessed Redeemer,
This is my constant longing and prayer;
Gladly I’ll forfeit all of earth’s treasures,
Jesus, Thy perfect likeness to wear.
Refrain:
Oh! to be like Thee, oh! to be like Thee,
Blessed Redeemer, pure as Thou art;
Come in Thy sweetness, come in Thy fullness;
Stamp Thine own image deep on my heart.
Oh! to be like Thee, full of compassion,
Loving, forgiving, tender and kind,
Helping the helpless, cheering the fainting,
Seeking the wand’ring sinner to find.
Oh! to be like Thee, lowly in spirit,
Holy and harmless, patient and brave;
Meekly enduring cruel reproaches,
Willing to suffer, others to save.
Oh! to be like Thee, Lord, I am coming,
Now to receive th’ anointing divine;
All that I am and have I am bringing,
Lord, from this moment all shall be Thine.
Oh! to be like Thee, while I am pleading,
Pour out Thy Spirit, fill with Thy love,
Make me a temple meet for Thy dwelling,
Fit me for life and Heaven above.

I Am

Exodus 3:14 "God said to Moses, "I am who I am. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: 'I AM has sent me to you.' "

The past couple of days I have been thinking a lot about the phrase "I am". Think about how often we say it. "I am hungry." "I am tired." "I am grumpy." On and on it goes. But what does it really mean to say I am (fill in the blank). When we say that we are taking on that characteristic and defining ourselves with it.

Jesus said this of Himself in many different contexts. He said, "I am the vine", "I am the bread of life", "I am the resurrection and the life." So He was defining Himself by that characteristic. Where did that all begin?

In Exodus, Moses had an encounter with all mighty God. And when Moses asked Him who he should say sent him to the Israelites, God replied "I am who I am." To me what this says is that God is the embodiment of all characteristics. He defined them all. And so when Jesus says He is the resurrection and the life - He is not just saying that He represents resurrection - he is saying that He is the resurrection. All that the resurrection and the life means is wrapped up in Him. He is the embodiment of it.

Each of these statements that Jesus made about Himself are then applied to us. If I believe that Jesus is what He says of Himself then I am believing that Jesus is the vine, Jesus is the bread of life and Jesus is the Resurrection and the Life. And what this means to me personally is that I take my spiritual nourishment from Him and that my resurrection and my life is secured in Him.

Believing this then should impact the way that I live. Taking my spiritual nourishment from Him means that I seek after Him with all of my heart, soul, mind and body. No matter what the circumstances of life deal to me I need to stay connected to the one true vine for all the strength that He provides.

Dying to self means living in the resurrection. Living in the resurrection means that sin and its penalty are paid for and I can live in the light of His grace. No longer bound by the chains of the past or the fear of the future. New life blooms.

Maybe it is just me but "I am" has taken on a whole lot more meaning to me. "I am His and He is mine."

Inauguration

The past couple of days I have been thinking a great deal about the inauguration. The hoopla of the press, the expense, the whole thing. It took me back to 8 years ago. It was January 2001 and I was sitting in a small apartment in Connecticut with one of my dearest friends. My world was teetering on the brink of disaster. A new president was being sworn in - and all I could think about at that time was "who cares."

Fast forward eight years. Much of the pending disaster that was on the table in 2001 happened. My world did crash. My family did suffer through tremendous heartache. My life spun out of control. And yet, there was God. He was there, reaching out to me, rescuing me from the sin and shame that I had brought on myself. And a new passion for Him ignited.

We are on the cusp of a new administration. A new personality will now govern our great land. And there is still a very real part of me that says "who cares." It is not that I don't love our country - I do. It is mostly that I realize more and more that I am not really a citizen here. My home is with my Father who saw me through all the pain and heartache of the past decade. All of what happens here is but a moment in time. I desire to focus on the eternal.

Some day there is going to be an inauguration that will make our feeble attempts seem small and insignificant. I thought about the verses in Isaiah 6:1-3

In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him were seraphs, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. And they were calling to one another: "Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory."

The whole earth will be filled with the glory of the Lord Almighty. Every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord to the Glory of God the Father. This inauguration will far surpass anything that man has ever seen or contemplated in his heart or mind.

So maybe saying "who cares" about our presidential inauguration is wrong. It probably is. Maybe it is more of a "ho hum". I know that my Father who has created both heaven and earth sees and hears all that is transpiring now. And He has allowed it all. But, there will come a day, and it may be soon when the haughty hearts of man will be humbled and the rightful ruler will be inaugurated. All praise, glory and honor be given unto the Lamb that was slain!

All hail King Jesus!

Back in the Saddle Again

Okay, so it is 2009 and I am nearly 14 days into and no blog entries. It is not that I have had nothing to write - it is because I have not had a computer (personal) to do my blogging on.

What happened? Well, right before Christmas I committed the cardinal sin and had a drink close to my laptop. And as you can imagine the worst thing happened. The chair bumped the laptop which bumped the glass which proceeded to spill on the keyboard. Suddenly I heard the snap of electricity and water colliding. For those of you who have never heard it - it is one of those sounds that makes you get a bit sick inside. Sizzle, crack and pop and suddenly no picture, no computer and therefore, no blog.....

But just like MacArthur - "I have returned!" Hopefully, this year will be better than last with my writing and sharing with you what God has done in my life. 2008 certainly was a year of great growth. Some of it came through pain and some came through the lessons learned from others. But, all of it was good. All of it was from the hand of God to teach me and draw me nearer to Him. I am so blessed!!!

I decided to pick a verse for 2009 to pursue and to challenge my walk. It is probably a familiar one to many of you.

Psalm 90:12 "Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom."

A heart of wisdom. And that all starts with the fear of the Lord. I walk in humble fear of the Father. I know that He has great plans for me in this year and that it will require perseverance and diligence. I pray that in the months to come that you will follow along in my journey and I commit to you that I will be as genuine as I can be to express His heart through my words.

To those who have been wondering where in the world is Carol - well now you know.

Stay tuned!!!

Immanuel - God With Us

Christmas has always been a precious time to me. From the time I was a little child old enough to appreciate the beautiful music and the family traditions to now as a middle-age adult I have loved the time of reflection.

Immanuel - God With Us. Jesus, the Son of God, became flesh for me. Me. Have you stopped to consider exactly what that means? I am thinking that many, like me have taken for granted all that He relinquished to become man.

Imagine being surrounded by angelic beings, all awaiting the words that fell from your lips. All of heaven's hosts singing and praising you for who you are. Being in constant communion with the Father. Never experiencing hunger, cold, pain. Not any of it. He was very God.

And yet, there was love. God's love. For us. Me. You. Each in our own sin, each deserving of nothing. And yet, there was love. Love poured out. Love relinquished heaven's glory. Love surrendered position. Love transcended time and space.

In Isaiah 7:14 the prophecy concerning the Savior was revealed. "Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel." Immanuel, God with us. Stop and let that thought pour into your mind and heart. God - with - us. It is almost overwhelming to consider.

And so to earth, He came. He took on all of what it means to be human. He faced what no other has ever faced. He took on the complete and terrible punishment for our sin, my sin. He felt my pain, he took on my guilt, he paid my debt. God, very God became flesh for me.

When I gaze at that little baby wrapped protectively in the arms of His mother, Mary I am humbled. There are not words to express the gratitude that I feel at this season of my life for the One who came to save my soul. Immanuel, thank You for being here with us!

Reflections on Psalm 103

Psalm 103:12 "as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

Sometimes as I sit in church on any given Sunday the message seems to be all around me. But, today, the message was through me. Surrounding me. Enveloping me in the arms of the one who died to save my soul. The thought of Christ nailed to that cross, dying an agonizing death for me brought tears to my eyes and caused gratitude to well up within me.

Perhaps it is because of late I have been feeling really lonely. I don't know. But, somehow this passage renewed in me the realization that I cannot count on human love to meet my need. My failures in human relationship have worn me down. I feel at times incapable of knowing what a healthy relationship even looks like.

I have spent way too much effort on "fixing things". I have been reminded of that recently. I have tried to protect those that I love from making mistakes. I have at times robbed my children of the freedom that they need to become adults. Why is that? Is it because I see myself as responsible for their choices when in fact, they are no different than I - they must choose for themselves.

Rather than focusing though on the negatives, I was reminded this morning of how much we give up peace and strength when we are not grateful, when we do not count our blessings. As I focus my attention on bringing honor to God it will become less and less important to me how I am perceived. It is after all about Him. Not me.

As I learned this morning from this psalm David reminded us that it all starts with a fear of God. Three times he mentions this. "For as high as the heavens are above the earth so great is His love for them that fear him." and "As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him" and finally, "But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children".

Our fear of God, fear of the justice of God, fear of His righteousness, fear of Who He is should cause us to humbly call out to Him in gratitude for the cross. His love is so great, his compassion is all encompassing and His love is everlasting. What more is there? Praise God for His compassion that met me where I am. Praise God for His love that does not fail and lifts my sagging spirit. Praise Him that my sin has been removed as far as the east is from the west. The cross. The blessed cross. How great is that forgiveness.

It's All Just a Vapor

Jeremiah 15:13 "Your wealth and your treasures I will give as plunder, without charge, because of all your sins throughout your country."

Like many, these turbulent times that we live in makes me wonder just how much of what I have worked hard to save will be left. It has become a sickening thing to look at any investments that our family has because with each passing day it seems as though there is less and less there. How sad I feel for those who are nearing retirement only to discover that what they had counted on - is gone. Like a vapor.

Yet, this ought not to surprise those of us who believe the Word of God to be true. Time and time throughout the scripture God has warned against spending that which you do not have, being a borrower, seeking the treasures of this kingdom rather than the kingdom of heaven. Yet, we all go around downcast because what we thought was a sure thing - isn't quite so sure.

Just where is my heart now - in the midst of all this chaos? Am I wallowing in worry, wondering what I will have when I retire? Really, where does it ever talk about retirement in Scripture? Did Paul retire? Did he plan to rest on his laurels when he reached the ripe old age of 65? Some how I doubt it. He was a pretty big proponent of that "if you don't work you don't eat" theory. What exactly am I looking forward to? Is it just sitting around, doing nothing? Or am I looking for ways to be freed up so that I can serve God in a more full-time capacity?

Then I stop and think about that. How can I even contemplate serving God full-time when I am not all that faithful about serving Him part-time. I mean, after all aren't we supposed to be serving Him with our lives day in and day out in the capacity that we are in? Oh I have so many questions about my motivation for doing things. What is the underlying reason for what I do? Is it for my own ease or am I looking for ways to share and to help those that are less fortunate than myself. What exactly am I working toward?

I long to be right minded. I long to really get serious with my relationship with God and to put away the worries about things that really do not matter. There is no guarantee that anything that we have saved for from a financial sense will be there when we go to use it. In the meantime, we ought to be more frugal in the ways that we live so that we can have an open hand to help others. After all - how many coats do I need? How many pair of jeans can you wear? How many houses can you live in? How many? How many?

Father, forgive my selfish heart. Forgive me for looking at the government or the financial industry as a source of security. Until I realize that all that I have comes from you I will continue to be affected by the vapor that is our bank balance.

What Treasure Will There Be?

Isaiah 39:8 "The word of the LORD you have spoken is good," Hezekiah replied. For he thought, "There will be peace and security in my lifetime."

In this chapter of Isaiah, Hezekiah is revelling in his extended life. God granted him 15 additional years of life following a grave illness. Rather than purposing to put that time to good use for God and His kingdom, Hezekiah chose to proudly display all the riches of his kingdom to rulers around him. Basically, he exposed everything that was precious to the prying eyes of those who would later seek to take it all away.

When Isaiah came to warn Hezekiah that what he had done was foolish, Hezekiah basically responded with little regard for the future. He was only concerned with what affected him - the here and now. I can almost hear him now saying, "Well, at least it will be good and safe while I am alive - let the others deal with what comes in the future."

How like that I can be. Concerned with the here and now rather than thinking about what treasures I have exposed to those who would rob my children, my grandchildren and those who come after me. Oh I am not necessarily talking about treasures such as the world seeks, such as money and property. I am talking about the treasures of walking humbly before God, of living a life of integrity, of following hard after truth. All of those treasures I have consistently over time allowed others to steal away from me. I have not guarded my treasure. Nor have I really thought long and hard about what the future may be because of those choices.

I do believe that God intends for us to live in the here and now. I know that we cannot foresee what challenges and trials face us in the future. But, I do believe that God intends us to protect that which we pass down to our children against the thieves that seek to steal what is not theirs. And when we purposely expose our treasures and actually bring the enemy into our homes we risk losing everything.

We need to protect those that we love from the onslaught of the enemies around us. Wisdom says that we make choices that are pleasing to God and not to men. We do not look for ways to impress others with what we have been blessed with. We seek ways to serve our God in the here and now and yet keep a watchful eye that we do not give the enemy any foothold that would allow them to carry away our treasure.

I pray that God would forgive me for being too much like Hezekiah.

The Morning After

1 Corinthians 13:12 "Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."

Yes, it is the morning after. For some this is a morning of great jubilation and for others it is a day of sadness. For me it is a day of realization. I realize that I have put way too much energy into this temporary world. Way too much effort in things that are just going to fade away and don't really matter. Stopping to think about this reminds me of 1976 when my very first election did not go the way that I had hoped. Did the world stop turning? Did the sun not rise the next day? Was God taken by surprise?

All politics aside what truly matters is who we reflect. I do not want to be simply known as a democrat or a republican or whatever other political party there may be. I want to known as a Christian. And what does that mean? Really? We are called to be Christ-like. To take on the qualities of our glorious Savior and to become a reflection of who He is in us. Right now, as the verse above says we see a poor reflection but there will come a day where we will see a pure reflection.

This morning as I read Hebrews 2 it spoke of the fact that Christ took on our humanity so that He could understand our suffering. And in so doing he was a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God. He was merciful and He was faithful. Two characteristics that I long to have. To be merciful as Christ was merciful and to be faithful as He is faithful. I want to look beyond myself and what is good for me to what is good for others. I want to reach the point where there is only the reflection of Jesus I see - not a shadow of Carol. And this could and probably will involve suffering. Can I face that?

Our country stands at a great crossroad. Only time will tell what the decision of the people meant. But, I do trust that God is not surprised by this outcome nor is He shaken by it. I do trust that in His sovereignty He rules and reigns. Scripture says that He raises up who He wills to be in human government. Rulers have come and gone and God is still on His throne. Praise be to God.

Elections and the Future

Proverbs 19:21 "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails."

It has been an interesting few days. Everywhere you go and whoever you talk to - the conversation revolves around the election today. I find myself musing about it more than I probably have in past elections, perhaps because I believe that so much is at stake.

Last night in fact I was unable to sleep. I kept going over and over again some of the things that I have heard or read and wondered how in the world we ever got to this point in our society. I have grown weary of the rhetoric flying from both camps espousing the positive points of their candidate and pointing to the negatives of their opponent. It made me wonder what it was like in elections prior to the advent of the information age.

While I believe in the importance of voting I have found that as I reflect on the two candidates that are running for the office of president that I am glad that God is ultimately my authority. As the verse from Proverbs states God's purpose will prevail.

I have come to the conclusion that for me - it is no longer God and country. For me, it is just God. He is my King. My future does not lie in what happens between Obama and McCain. They are only temporary leaders. They are like me - just dust - just grass that fades away. But, my God, my King is eternal. His purposes will not be thwarted. Even if my candidate does not win - it really does not matter. Ultimately, the choice was fore-ordained before the foundation of the world. It gives me peace knowing that.

This kingdom will pass away. In four more years if the Lord tarries there will be yet another campaign and another election. God willing our country will continue to be the land of the free where we can vote for the candidate of our choice. Ultimately, I believe that unless the hearts of our people become humble before God and realize that all of the blessings we have so freely enjoyed come from Him we will eventually become just as many of the famous societies of history.

God grant our leaders the wisdom to see Him. And God grant our people the compassion to see beyond ourselves to a world that hungers and thirsts for that which we take so for granted.

Forget the Former Things

Isaiah 43:18-19 "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."

I love God's Word! I am gaining a greater appreciation for its truths each time I read it. And more importantly I gain a greater appreciation for how its truths apply to me.

One of my many struggles in recent years has been letting go of the past. I keep wanting to replay things over and over again. Trying to sort out just exactly what went wrong, what I could have done differently, on and on it goes. But God, in Isaiah 43 says to forget the past, stop dwelling on it. I am doing a new thing! Isn't that great! He is doing a new thing, in me, in you! When I continue to go back and try to relive the past, good or bad, it is an affront to Him. He is wanting us to live in the present and to look for the new things that He wants to teach us. This is so freeing to me.

By continuing to wallow in the past I am denying myself God's best. God's best is in the present. Right now. What is the new thing that God has for me? Am I anxiously looking for it or am I wasting time looking over my shoulder at old news? Oh that I would forget all of that and keep myself focused on the prize. When Paul spoke to the Philippians he said "Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." He too must have been as I am. We know from historical records in the scripture that Paul had a past that he could have continued to focus on. But, he chose the better way - he chose to press on.

Oh that we all could see the wonderful love that God has extended to us in these verses. He continues to look at the desert places of our lives and bring about new life. Just as in the natural desert there are places where beautiful flowers bloom. In the seemingly arid areas, God brings forth life. And not just dull, colorless life but breathtaking beauty that is a stark contrast to the environment around it. Streams of living water flow through the wasteland of our lives bringing back to life that which was dying. Our God is a good God. Our God longs to show us His steadfast love and to shower us with the blessing of His presence. How great is His love toward us!

Press forward and look for the new thing that God wants to shower you with. Search for it with a passionate heart. Search for it expectantly. Search for it with a grateful heart knowing that God has given you permission to let go of the former things! And if He says let it go - why would we want to hold on?

Musings from Wykoff

2 Timothy 1:5 "I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also."

Heritage is a wonderful thing. As I am packing up to leave yet another Weimer Women Weekend at Wykoff I am reminded of that. My niece, Alyson represents a fourth generation Weimer who has put her faith and trust in Jesus Christ. What a blessing to stop and consider that!

I think of each one of my family members and am gripped by the power of the attachment that we hold to one another. There have been plenty of storms in our lives. My mom reminded me of this today as she got in the car to drive away. And there have been blessings too - so many and all of them (storms and blessings) have been gifts from God. I am growing to understand that it is only through the storms can I truly appreciate the blessings.

Life has been a bit stormy for me of late. Mostly because of relationships. God has impressed upon me today as I had these last quiet moments here at our little mountain hideaway that He wants me to put relationships on that altar. Oh God, it is so hard. I want to hold onto them with all the strength that I have. Then I pause and think - "What strength do I have that has not been given to me by God?" Perhaps this is where I have fallen short. Maybe I have been trying to hold onto relationships or fashion them in my own strength. I have been seeing them through my eyes, my needs, my wants. This is where idolatry comes from. As I have jokingly said many times "It is all about me!" Maybe there was more truth to that than I really want to admit.

And so, as another Weimer Women Weekend at Wykoff comes to an end I purpose to put relationships on the altar. I pray that God will direct how I live in relationship. I pray that I will see those who are a part of my world through His eyes - not mine. I pray that I will seek first His kingdom and His righteousness.

Thank you Weimer women for being my prayer partners and listening to the heart of one who has at times wandered far. Your faithfulness to me is beyond my comprehension. God is good!

Lay My Isaac Down

Genesis 22:2 Then God said, "Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about."

Lately I have been thinking about Abraham. I guess it is because right now I have an Isaac in my life that God is asking me to take to Moriah and sacrifice to Him. And I don't want to do it. I wonder - did Abraham question God? I have to think that he did. After all, Abraham was as human as I. Yet, he did what was required in obedience. How did he leave his home, leave Sarah and walk that long walk to Moriah without turning back? Where did his strength come from? How did he avoid telling Isaac about what was to come? All these questions I have.

Yet, Abraham was faithful. He followed God's command and he brought that precious Isaac to the point of death believing that God had his good in mind. He had to - or he would not have been able to do it. There is no way that Abraham in his humanness could have lifted that knife to take the life of his only son if he did not believe more deeply in the goodness of God.

Can I do that? Can I take that which has become too precious, too consuming and place it on the altar? Can I willingly lift the knife to take the "life" of my Isaac so that I too can experience the ultimate goodness of God? Not in my own strength. That I know. The strength to be obedient must be supplied by God Himself.

And what of Isaac? How did he respond to all of this? God's word is silent on this. But it is fairly easy to imagine that he must have felt betrayed and hurt by the actions of his father. I mean after all - what son would ever expect to die at the hands of their father? But, the blessings that Isaac experienced in his life were only possible because of the obedience of his father. I wonder if the "Isaac" in my life will ever come to understand that. I can only pray that will be true.

Life is a series of surrenders. And a series is continual. There is no stopping. Not if you really want to experience the wholeness of the life that God intends. It is only, as I am learning, as I am willing to lay down each "Isaac" that I truly will be ready to experience God's full and complete blessing.