What kind of a flower is friendship?

'Be careful what you wish for because it might come true' was an all to true statement for me. For years I had longed for a friend who would be my confidant and soul-mate. Unfortunately, that friendship soon took on characteristics of co-dependency which I was both unable and then later unwilling to see. How can you avoid the pitfalls of this situation and still find God’s heart for you in the matter of friendship?

God has created us to be in relationship. His desire is for us to long for a relationship with Him as our primary and most important one. Unfortunately, we look outside of God’s ideal and attempt to find our needs met by others.

While God includes human relationships as a source of fulfillment they are not to supersede our relationship with Him. Nor are we to place certain human relationships such as friendship ahead of other human relationships such as marriage and parenthood. When this occurs destruction is sure to follow.

Women in general, long for relationships that have meaning and purpose. They are hungry for dialog and support which often time is sorely lacking in their homes. Young mothers in particular are often quite lonely due to the demands of their young children and may find themselves longing for someone to listen to them and to encourage them.

Friendship is something that God designed. Biblical examples of friendship may be used as patterns for us. Jonathon and David were classic examples of true friendship. They were continually looking out for the best interest of the other and were bent on being obedient to God as their primary focus.

When you find yourself in a relationship that begins to take on a level of importance that is higher than your relationship with God then you are treading on a slippery slope. Ask yourself questions like, “Does my friend mean more to me than she should?” “Am I spending more time nourishing this friendship than I am nourishing my relationship with God?” “Are my thoughts drifting more and more to spending time with my friend than in spending time with my family?” If the answer to any of these questions is “yes” then you may have found yourself in a relationship that has become co-dependent.

Have other friends or family members begun to question your relationship? Don’t see this as criticism but see this as an opportunity to review what your priorities are. Look at their statements honestly and be willing to evaluate yourself. Talk to your friend. See how she reacts. Does she become defensive? Does she act in a threatened fashion? If so, these are warning signs that things have become unhealthy.

When well-meaning and caring friends approach you with concerns about your friendship, listen to them. If they are godly friends they have your best interest at heart and may have been drawn to speak to you by the prompting of the Holy Spirit. Realize that they are speaking out of heart of love and not out of a spirit of jealousy. That is one of Satan’s lies.

Do you find yourself becoming less and less responsive to other friendships and more and more focused on an exclusive relationship with one other person? If so, see this as a warning signal. Do not exclude other friends from your life and do not give into the temptation to see this one relationship as the end all and be all of friendship.

Are you sensing uneasiness in your spirit when you consider this friendship? If so, this may be the Holy Spirit leading you to re-evaluate the relationship. Don’t discount this. The Holy Spirit continues to speak but if you are not willing to heed His prompting His voice may become less and less noticeable in your life. When this happens you may have seared your conscience to the point where God no longer speaks to you. This is exactly the place where Satan wants you to be.

If you are finding yourself involved in any relationship which becomes more important to you than your relationship with God, or if you are spending more time with a friend than you are with your spouse and children then you need to question whether or not you are in a co-dependent relationship. At all costs find the help that you need to get yourself extricated from it before any more damage is done. Look into counseling that will help you to find your way out of the darkness that can destroy you, your family and do permanent damage to your testimony for Jesus Christ.

God loves you. Place your need for relationship into His hands and trust that He will fill all of your heart’s needs in ways that you can not even begin to image. He is faithful and He will perform that which He has promised to do.