Goodbye's

How difficult it can be to say goodbye. I think of how many times I pulled out of my parents driveway with tears streaming down my face. Saying goodbye to them has always been hard. The invisible strings to home always tug at my heart. Saying goodbye to my dad on the day he went home to the Father was so difficult. The man who gave me life was no longer with us. Or saying goodbye to my child as she boarded a train to go to a far off country out of the realm of my sight and control. Knowing that she would be alone and wondering if she would be okay.

Then there was saying goodbye to a dear friend. That was a tough one. I was blessed by her life and how she cared for others including my children. How was I to know that saying goodbye to Nancy would be a lead in to one of the biggest goodbyes yet to come.

Divorce is a type of goodbye. And I know firsthand about that. It is a tearing apart of what was meant to be sealed. It is a saying goodbye to relationship. It is a saying goodbye to pulling together for the common good. It is a saying goodbye to that intimate knowledge of marriage. It is no wonder that God never intended divorce. The pain that it brings is at times unbearable.

Yet, the heart that shared my heart for so long has been there for me - regardless of our no longer being married. I could count on that. Even when there were difficult discussions between us we always ended in a resolution that we would walk as divorced people - but still as a team when it came to the care of our kids. I always knew that there would be that voice at the other end of the line that would remain calm even when I lost control.

And now it appears that barring a miraculous intervention by God that the voice on the other end will be silenced. This goodbye is ripping my heart out. So many things that I wanted to say. So many things I wanted to talk over with him. And I did not want to say goodbye. We are never prepared for this moment.

How blessed we have been by this life. How thankful I am for his presence in my life and what he has meant to my children. God is in control. I will rest in His love and say goodbye knowing for certain that I will one day see him again when we are all gathered at the feet of Jesus.