Goodbye, Ray

Picture albums are being opened and memories are being recited. I am no different. Sifting through over 20 years of history in the past couple of weeks has brought back so many wonderful and at times very painful memories of my relationship with Ray. Many of my friends have said "you need to write your thoughts down" so here goes.

I chose this picture because it represented a lot about the man that Ray was. Let me explain. First of all, you will notice in this picture a young Japanese boy. We were priviledged to have Takish live with us for 3 weeks one summer to help him learn more about the English language and to be exposed to living in a Christian home. Two things about that are important to this story. First of all - Ray loved to travel and he loved to learn about people groups from various parts of the world. So when I asked if we could be a part of this ministry - he heartily agreed. He brought to Takish's life a brief exposure to what a Christian father was like. And that young man was changed because of it. Secondly, it brought to life the fact that Ray desired that his children learn that it is okay to be different. Growing up in central Pennsyvlania can give kids a very jaded view of the world but Ray was determined that Geoff & Claire know and understand that all of the world is a part of God's creation and that every man, woman and child is loved by the Father.

Ray was also a very neat man. I think about him even now and I think of plaid flannel shirts buttoned down at the collar. I think about how he liked his shirts buttoned when they hung on the hangers. I think about how he always wanted Geoff & Claire to be neat and tidy when they went places or were involved in activities of any type. I can remember his exasperation at Geoff wearing his sneakers to graduation with duct tape all around them. And yet - he could laugh about it. He did not make "big deals" out of things.

Ray was a hard working man. My children knew that their father worked - and worked hard. Many a time Ray could be heard answering voice mail or working on paperwork for the company that he faithfully served for 27 years. The work ethic that both of my children have is a direct result of the pattern that they saw portrayed by their father. He was respected by all he worked with. This was evidenced by the many opportunities that were presented to him that furthered his career.

Ray's heart for the Lord grew over time. As the experiences of life taught him - he grew closer and in a deeper fellowship with the Father. I remember when Ray came to faith in Christ. It was like a great awakening. He had been dabbling in many faiths when we first met and we had some pretty intense arguments. He could not buy the fact that God created the world in 6 days. Whew.... for a girl who had lived that truth for a long time - that was a challenge. But, God in His infinite wisdom knew what it would take for Ray to come to truth. And when God brought Ray to live in Pennsylvania when he was all alone and had no one - he found Christ.

His heart for ministry was apparent to all who knew him. Together we served on a couple of mission trips. I can see him even now dabbing grout into the tiles at Black Forest Academy in Germany or handing out tracts at the 1996 Olympics in Atlanta. All of it was for a greater purpose than bringing attention to himself. He wanted to serve the Lord passionately.

Ray loved his children dearly. As we brought each one of them home from the hospital it was wonderful to watch him grow as a dad. His steady influence has been something that both of my children have benefited from. Unlike me, Ray was unflappable. When I would lose control - he would maintain it. When I would get discouraged - he would find positives. His heart always was to have a strong family for Geoff & Claire to grow in. And he accomplished that.

I feel like I have lost a part of myself this week. I guess that is just the way of it. Some would say that divorced people should not feel that way. And maybe some don't. But, I do. I have lost the one person who truly knows my truth. I have lost the one person who remembers bringing home those babies or sending them off to school or off to far off places. I have lost a friend.

But I know in my heart that Ray would not want us to sit around and be sad. He was not like that. He was a person who was joyful. He would want us to reflect on all of the wonderful times, the special memories, the forgiveness and the love that has been shared by all who knew him.

For all the past, I thank you, Ray. You were a gift to me.