Thinking about Dad

Over the past six months two of my dear friends had their father pass away. Both of these friends had very close relationships with their father. And the loss that they feel is huge. It is a season of firsts for them both. First birthday, first Father’s Day, first holidays. That year of firsts is hard and one that I remember very well.

As I grieve with them I grieve for me. I grieve for my kids who lost their dad far too soon. I grieve for those who have elderly parents or parents who are so ill that recovery seems unlikely. But most of all I grieve for those people who have never known a good relationship with their parents. Our lives are formed by these relationships for good and for bad. Once that loved one has passed away you can never again learn about who they were, what was important to them, what made them tick.

My dad was a simple man. He was a man of principle. He was a man of faith. Yet he was not an easy man to get to know. He was quiet and introspective. Certainly quite different than me. I think those differences were what made it hard at times for me to identify with him. I always longed for his approval and was never quite sure whether I achieved it. If I could I would love to sit down with him and ask him what he dreamed of. I would love to know what he saw as his greatest happiness and his greatest sorrow.

The opportunity to sit with him and just hear his voice would be a gift to me. I think I have thought more about him this summer than I have over the last few years. I have the hollow ache in my heart that I know at least two people in my life can relate to. But I also, like them have peace knowing my dad is healthy and happy. He is reveling in all the answers to the questions that he wondered about for so long.

And so Diane and Angie I thank you for sharing your grief with me. I thank you for reminding me once again just how precious dad was to me and to my family. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers during this year of firsts. I will walk this road with you.