Remembrance

It has been said that Confederate women were seen decorating the graves of their fallen heroes and continued on to do the same for those of the Union soldiers. This heralded the beginnings of Decoration Day or as we more commonly call it, Memorial Day. The lack of concern about whether or not the fallen were friend or foe truly speaks to the solemn beauty of the day. It is a time for us to remember those who bravely fought and died for the freedom that we enjoy today. And also, those from generations past who greatly influenced the people we have become.

For many years, while growing up, Mom and Dad would load us kids into the Oldsmobile and take off for the different cemeteries where our grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins or friends lay at rest. The trunk of the car would be filled with blossoms of various colors and types all meant to garnish the markers and to let others know that these people were cherished and remembered.

Little American flags waved brightly by the tombstones of soldiers from long ago wars and some were even marked by an occasional medal or remembrance of a particular event in history.

As a child, I must admit, it was not always something that I enjoyed. In fact, sometimes it seemed really like a waste of time and money to go traipsing all over the country going from plot to plot when I would have been much happier playing outside or reading a good book. But, still we went. And now, I am glad that I did because it taught me lessons about life and death and remembering, something that many people don’t do enough of.

While decorating the graves of relatives and friends who have passed away does not carry with it that same significance as decorating the graves of soldiers it does help to bring to mind the brevity of life. How often we take for granted the presence of a loved one only to find them taken from us by the cruelty of death. The small gesture of remembrance is only a token of what could or should be done during the lifetime of those that are near and dear to our hearts.

It has been nearly five years since my father passed away. In recent days memories of my childhood have resurfaced to remind me once again of the principles he lived by and the man of integrity that he was. It has been a time of remembering what was and seeking to understand what is. His influence continues to live on in the lives of his children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Remembering that propels me to a greater desire to live the legacy those generations before me lived.

The author of the book of Hebrews wrote a verse that has often come to mind when I think about my Dad and others who have gone on before me. “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.” I like to think about my Dad being in that cloud of witnesses, cheering me on, encouraging me when the going gets tough or sometimes even chiding me as he used to when I was a child.

Remembering him as he was is also a lesson to me of many attributes of godliness that I would like to believe is becoming a part of my heritage as well. Integrity, humility and a contrite spirit were all marks of my father. One of the greatest gifts that he gave to our family was a dedication to walk in truth and to teach us about our need of a Savior and the love of God.

Heritage and remembering is so much a part of the essence of Memorial Day. While we watch the parades and listen to rousing speeches of patriotism and honor it would be a good time to take stock of what is going on within our hearts and lives. Are we passing on to our children the same values and virtues of our forefathers or have we so lost our way that we cannot even remember the good of the past? Do we take time to sit down with our children or their children and remind them of the goodness of God? Or have we become so wrapped up in our own way that we have lost the reverence for the One who holds the earth in place?

This is a time to remember. This is a time to put aside the laissez-faire attitude that seems to permeate our country today. The sacrifices, the honor, the desire to put others ahead of self are attributes that were a part of the generations past. Let us put off the foolish behaviors of greed, deceit and selfishness as we honor those who have gone on before.

Load up the cars with your children and the flowers. Decorate the markers of those who have left your earthly life. Remember them for the lives that they lived and the sacrifices they made. Thank God for their lives and then dedicate yourself to live on in a manner that would bring a smile to their lips and a song of praise to their hearts.

What kind of a flower is friendship?

'Be careful what you wish for because it might come true' was an all to true statement for me. For years I had longed for a friend who would be my confidant and soul-mate. Unfortunately, that friendship soon took on characteristics of co-dependency which I was both unable and then later unwilling to see. How can you avoid the pitfalls of this situation and still find God’s heart for you in the matter of friendship?

God has created us to be in relationship. His desire is for us to long for a relationship with Him as our primary and most important one. Unfortunately, we look outside of God’s ideal and attempt to find our needs met by others.

While God includes human relationships as a source of fulfillment they are not to supersede our relationship with Him. Nor are we to place certain human relationships such as friendship ahead of other human relationships such as marriage and parenthood. When this occurs destruction is sure to follow.

Women in general, long for relationships that have meaning and purpose. They are hungry for dialog and support which often time is sorely lacking in their homes. Young mothers in particular are often quite lonely due to the demands of their young children and may find themselves longing for someone to listen to them and to encourage them.

Friendship is something that God designed. Biblical examples of friendship may be used as patterns for us. Jonathon and David were classic examples of true friendship. They were continually looking out for the best interest of the other and were bent on being obedient to God as their primary focus.

When you find yourself in a relationship that begins to take on a level of importance that is higher than your relationship with God then you are treading on a slippery slope. Ask yourself questions like, “Does my friend mean more to me than she should?” “Am I spending more time nourishing this friendship than I am nourishing my relationship with God?” “Are my thoughts drifting more and more to spending time with my friend than in spending time with my family?” If the answer to any of these questions is “yes” then you may have found yourself in a relationship that has become co-dependent.

Have other friends or family members begun to question your relationship? Don’t see this as criticism but see this as an opportunity to review what your priorities are. Look at their statements honestly and be willing to evaluate yourself. Talk to your friend. See how she reacts. Does she become defensive? Does she act in a threatened fashion? If so, these are warning signs that things have become unhealthy.

When well-meaning and caring friends approach you with concerns about your friendship, listen to them. If they are godly friends they have your best interest at heart and may have been drawn to speak to you by the prompting of the Holy Spirit. Realize that they are speaking out of heart of love and not out of a spirit of jealousy. That is one of Satan’s lies.

Do you find yourself becoming less and less responsive to other friendships and more and more focused on an exclusive relationship with one other person? If so, see this as a warning signal. Do not exclude other friends from your life and do not give into the temptation to see this one relationship as the end all and be all of friendship.

Are you sensing uneasiness in your spirit when you consider this friendship? If so, this may be the Holy Spirit leading you to re-evaluate the relationship. Don’t discount this. The Holy Spirit continues to speak but if you are not willing to heed His prompting His voice may become less and less noticeable in your life. When this happens you may have seared your conscience to the point where God no longer speaks to you. This is exactly the place where Satan wants you to be.

If you are finding yourself involved in any relationship which becomes more important to you than your relationship with God, or if you are spending more time with a friend than you are with your spouse and children then you need to question whether or not you are in a co-dependent relationship. At all costs find the help that you need to get yourself extricated from it before any more damage is done. Look into counseling that will help you to find your way out of the darkness that can destroy you, your family and do permanent damage to your testimony for Jesus Christ.

God loves you. Place your need for relationship into His hands and trust that He will fill all of your heart’s needs in ways that you can not even begin to image. He is faithful and He will perform that which He has promised to do.