Sometimes I find that being an introspective person can be a bit disheartening. Especially when you see patterns that emerge in your life that are neither positive or godly. Why is it that we struggle so much with some strongholds in our lives? Why is it that we cannot learn from one experience and put an end to behaviors which are destructive?
I believe that deep inside of me there is this dark place where the light of God's word still has not penetrated. I allow myself to engage in prideful behavior and also to put myself into places of authority that are only God's. Every time I do this I find it harder and harder to hear the voice of God in my life.
It is time for me to break this pattern and to put an end to those choices and those relationships which threaten to pull me away from my Father. I must learn how to put boundaries around myself. Tonight as I shared my current dilemma with my counselor he reminded me of a verse of scripture that I really need to concentrate on:
Matthew 6:33
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well
The problem is that I have not been doing this. I have been seeking my own well-being and what makes me feel good about myself. Instead of really seeking God's kingdom and His righteousness I have fallen prey to the desires of the flesh. I pray that God will shine His light into the dark recesses of my heart and expose the sin that lurks there. It is time for me to make the right choices. It is time for me to be obedient and do what God calls me to do.
Forgive me, Father for trying to be something that I am not. Forgive me for trying to be you in the lives of others. How could I ever think that I was capable? You and You alone are God. I am your child and I am weak. Help me to remember that Your strength is made perfect in my weakness.
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