Where is Our Peace?

Isaiah 53:5

"But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace."

All around us at this frantic time of year is the thought of peace.  We long for it, we hope for it, we search for it.  Yet it feels at times that we can never really find it.

What really brings us peace? Is it the end of conflict? Is it the satisfaction of a job well done? Is it relief from illness? Is it the quiet after a day of incredible noise? All of these are a type of peace but they are hollow and fleeting.

Real peace - the peace that passes all understanding is wrapped up in the life of Christ, the babe that was born to die.

Imagine what it must have been like to be a shepherd on the hillside keeping watch when the angels burst forth with the proclamation "Fear not!" I bet that rocked their world and shook up the peace of that night.Their peace, like ours was comprised of earthly peace. Now all of a sudden the angelic host ushered in a new peace - the promised peace.

The shepherds sought out the one that the angels heralded - the Prince of Peace.  He was the one foretold by the prophet Isaiah hundreds of years before. This Prince brought the lasting peace, the one that our hearts cry out for. This peace cost Him everything.

He bore the chastisement that was meant for me, for you, for the whole world. This sacrifice brought about the lasting peace that we all long for. The penalty of our iniquities was laid upon Him and He bore it all for one reason - He loved.

And so during this time of year when we sing of goodwill and peace on earth, I will be mindful that it is so much more than what is commonly believed.  This is the peace that will take me into eternity to live in relationship with the One who bore it all. This peace is the greatest gift of all.

The Desires of My Heart

This morning I was thinking a lot about the desires of my heart.  And this verse came to my mind.  It seems that over the course of time I have really been confused about what the desires of my heart should be.

This verse starts out by saying that my primary focus should be delighting myself in the Lord.  In doing that He will give me the desires of my heart.

Reflecting over the years of my life I see that my focus was on myself - not on delighting God.  In so doing the desire of my heart was selfish.  All I wanted and all that I strove for was to feel precious to someone.  I did not see completely that I was and still am precious to someone.  I am precious to the only One that really matters in the long run.   

By putting the focus on myself instead of on God I pursued acceptance at any cost.  I went down paths that hindered me and brought harm to those that loved and cared for me. And ultimately, I still did not have the true desire of my heart.  There still was a longing that only God can fill.

It still is difficult for me to not fall prey to the desire to be loved by everyone.  I find myself still striving to make everyone happy.  But, perhaps not as much as I once did.  Perhaps there has been some growth in delighting myself in the Lord.  I am seeing more and more that His will for me is perfect and will lead me to the place where my heart's desire will be to surrender all that I am to Him and to obediently follow what I know to be true and right.  Each day will find me walking closer to Him and less in the things that drew me away. 

God does often allow us to "get" the desires of our heart when we manipulate situations or completely disobey what He has told us in His Word.  When we do this we may temporarily feel we have gotten what we thought we wanted but we will likely find that it was a shallow and fleeting delight.  We can also discover that it was a complete sham.  Thankfully, His grace covers these times of wandering after the things we so desperately thought would bring us happiness.  It is only when we put our focus on delighting in Him that we can truly have the desires of our heart that bring us joy, peace, happiness and love.  There is no question that to live out life in this way will bring the ultimate contentment we so long for.

White as Snow

This morning we got our first dusting of snow here in south central PA.  I always look at snow with mixed emotions.  I am not really a fan of the cold that accompanies it but I am truly a fan of what snow represents in my life.

God's word says that "though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow." So as I look out my window and I see the snow I am reminded of this truth.

My life has certainly not been what I would have liked it to be.  I made choices along the way that took me off of the path that God had laid out for me.  Choices that hurt many along the way and more importantly, hurt the God that I love.  But, I can rejoice in the words of Zephaniah that my God will save, He will rejoice and He will quiet my heart and exult over me with love.  My sins though they are scarlet, they shall be whiter than snow.  What a joy to reflect upon.

None of us are without sin.  We all have fallen short of God's standard.  Yet, He provided the way of salvation.  It is at this season of advent that we reflect on the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ.  He who knew no sin became sin for us.  And because the penalty has been paid our debt of sin has been erased. 

As Christmas approaches, I am choosing to reflect on forgiveness.  This forgiveness, so freely given is there for the taking.  Examine your heart.  Are you looking to Jesus as the Savior of your soul?  Do you recognize Him as the one who washes your sins and makes you whiter than snow?  Can you sense that He is rejoicing over you because of His great love?  I am.  Praising Him for the time so long ago when I made my profession of faith.  Praising Him that despite some detours along the way that I am now seeking to know Him more deeply and more profoundly with each passing day.  Praising Him for the snow that reminds me of His cleansing of all my sin!  What a Savior!

Thankful for Little People

How can it be possible that in just a little over a month this little guy will turn 6?  And how is it possible that within a few weeks he and his parents will be homeowners just 20 miles away from me?  How is it possible?  God's grace!

Over the time since Oliver has been around, I have had a certain sadness that would come over me when I thought of how much I had missed.  He was so far away and I got to see him at best twice a year.  I missed first steps, first birthday, first Christmas, first words, so many firsts. And to be truthful, I felt a pang of jealousy when I would see my friends who lived near their grand kids be able to spend so much time with them.

And then the news came that my daughter, son-in-law and Oliver would be moving to south central PA!  For the last 10 months I have enjoyed being able to see them and to experience some new firsts.  First Easter, first Halloween, first fireman's carnival, first overnight with gramma, and soon our first Thanksgiving!  And to top that off, if all goes well I will be able to help them move into their first home in early 2020!  How is it possible?  God's grace!

God's grace has seen me though so much.  He continues to see me through the wearisome times of life.  Times like when you have those aches and pains that weren't there just 5 years ago, or when you have relational conflicts that were not of your making, or when you lose someone who was so very precious to your heart.  And He has seen me though the joyful times of life as well.  Times like the marriage of my son and my daughter-in-law, the marriage of my daughter and my son-in-law and the birth of my wonderful grandson, Oliver.  He truly is the crown of the "aged".  (BTW I kind of wish it said later middle-aged....)

So this Thanksgiving, like many before, grace is what I am thankful for.  I do not deserve it.  I could never purchase it.  I can only grasp a hold of it and cherish it.  I can only pause throughout my days and say "thank you, Father" for all of the blessings, love and grace you shower me with.  May my heart continue to look into the future with a thankful heart knowing how great Your faithfulness has been in the past. 

Hand Me that Towel!

Ever look in that sink and wonder - where did all those dishes come from?  Or that pile of laundry that wasn't there the last time you looked?  Or that lawn that just keeps on growing?  The list goes on and on.  And there have been times over my adult life where I have grumbled at the sight of any one of these things.

Our natural tendency is to want to do those things which are fun or at least have some significance; not those things that end up on the never ending trail.  But someone must do them, right?

And how often do we go ahead and do these things and then silently (or maybe not!) complain that no one cares, no one appreciates?  We may even find ourselves not doing them at all while we wait for someone else to pick up the slack.

Jesus set the example that we are meant to follow.  Here He was the Master and He bent down low and washed the feet of His followers.  Peter did not want Jesus to do this and in fact rebuked Him for the effort.  Jesus basically said "If you don't let Me do this - you are not mine." And Peter in only Peter's way said "then wash all of me!"

We must fight our natural bent to want to be in the limelight.  We want to be recognized for our service, for our efforts, for our attention to the never ending jobs that fill our days.  But, Jesus wants us to do those things with the same posture He did.  He wants us to serve without attention.  He wants us to serve because we are His servants.  How can we do less than the Master?

It is a privilege to be able to care for our loved ones, friends and neighbors.  But, how hard it is to serve those that we find difficult to love, or those that are very different from us.  Yet, Jesus washed all the disciples feet.  All of them - including the one who would later betray Him.  What must have gone through Judas' mind as Jesus lovingly bathed his feet and wiped them dry?  Did he have a momentary twinge of regret for what he was about to do?  And Jesus?  He knew.  Yet, He continued.  No question - just served.

There is much to do.  The laborers are few and the harvest is plentiful.  Only as we are willing to set aside our own need for gratification will we be able to minister in the way that Jesus did.  Hand me a towel!  I want to serve.

A Day to Remember

Today we pause to give thanks for the men and women who have served our country in the military.  For several hundred years there have been individuals who put themselves in harms way so that we could enjoy the freedom that we have.  Many paid the ultimate price and laid down their lives for ours.  How can you ever really say thank you enough?

So often I have thought about the lack of creature comforts that our soldiers have experienced.  Or the separation from their loved ones.  Or the fear of death or injury.  Some of them enlisted to do this job, some were drafted.  Some made the military a career while others mustered out as soon as they could.  Each and every one took an oath when they joined up.  They stood and recited the following: "I, (Name), do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic, that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of  the United States and the orders of the officers appointed."

Some of these young men and women were just kids when they joined up.  They often were caught up in the excitement and romance of war.  And then reality hit.  Thousands of miles from home caught up in a conflict that they did not even understand they bravely obeyed those orders.  Many returned home with lifetime injuries that were physical, emotional or mental. Each one chose to lay down their life for their friend. You and me.

As I think of our Veterans I think about Jesus. I think of how He left the glory of heaven to come to this troubled earth.  He often lacked creature comforts.  He left His family home to wander the Galilean countryside.  He faced injury and death. And He willingly obeyed the will of His Father and laid down His life for His friends.  You and me.  How great a salvation!  How great a Savior!

So today, I thank our Veterans.  I thank the many who sacrificed so much that I might be able to write this blog entry without fear of being imprisoned.  I can speak freely of my faith and I can appreciate the freedom of choice that we all have.  We are indeed a country blessed by the lives of these faithful individuals.  May God richly bless the current military forces and also those who have served in the past.  And may God give comfort to the loved ones who have lost their precious sons or daughters in the pursuit of this freedom.

Why Affliction?

2019 may well go down as the year of affliction for many of my dear friends and family.  In fact, I have one friend who is counting down the days until we can say goodbye to this year.  When I ponder all of it - I think the common question is, why?

Why is it that we see those we love and care about struggling with family issues, health issues, financial issues and personal issues when they seemingly are such faithful stewards of the Savior they love? Why is it that they are burdened with these constraints that changed the very texture of their lives?  Why are they impacted so severely by the actions of others?  Why God, Why?

In the book of James, the brother of Jesus wrote that we are to count it all joy when we have trials of various kinds because those trials that test our faith produce steadfastness. But, how do we do that?  How can we be joyful in our trials?

David, in the Psalms demonstrated what I believe to be the answer to this.  David definitely knew about affliction.  He was chased into the mountains to avoid being captured by the king he served, he was ridiculed by his own children, he suffered the loss of his child due to his own sin and on and on it went. And as he poured out his heart to the Father, he recognized that it was good for him to be afflicted because he learned God's statutes in the process.

How do we learn the statues?  We learn by reading the Word and allowing its truths to permeate our heart.  We learn by being obedient even when it is hard.  We learn when we give praise even in the sorrow.  We learn when we share our victories and our struggles with those we come in contact with.  All of this will bring us joy - if only we are willing.

None of us know what the next day will bring.  Certainly none of my friends and family expected the adversity that came in 2019 when the calendar page turned last December 31st. I am praying that each one will someday be able to say with David, that it was good to be afflicted.  And I am praying that I too will remember this as I walk into the future. 

Seasons

There is likely no better season to reflect about change than fall.  During these three short months trees can go from glorious green, to the vibrant colors of yellow, orange or red, to barren.  In three short months.....

How like life. I have been reminded again this week of the seasons that we go through in our short span of time here on this earth.  We go through the exciting times of childhood, to the petulant times of teenagers, to the busyness of adulthood, to the quieter more reflective time of being an older adult.

I was recently listening to a sermon about the life of Paul when he was in prison.  In 2 Timothy he asked for his coat and his parchments.  I had read those verses over the years and never really thought much about it.  He was all alone in a cold, damp prison cell and what he asked for was a coat to warm him and his parchments to keep him busy.  Paul was likely very lonely because he was definitely a people-person. But, rather than wallowing in his season of loneliness he found two things that would help him manage.  He wanted to be warm and he wanted to be busy.

Loneliness is a season that hits all of us.  And it does not mean that we are not surrounded by people. Sometimes we can be the loneliest when we are right in the middle of all the hubbub of family life, work life and recreational life. We get this yearning in our heart to be understood for where we are in our lives and sometimes there is just no one who can fit that bill. Try as they might our loved ones cannot always help us overcome this season. So like Paul we need to find what will make us comfortable and what will keep us active and busy.

I find myself in this season right now. But, I am also thankful for it.  During this time I am finding that I am dwelling more and more on what is really important in life and worrying less and less about the things that are so fleeting and ultimately irrelevant. I am looking for ways to be busy with productive things that will help me to stay focused and also to be vigilant to try and help others who may be struggling with loneliness to feel cared for.  And I also look forward to a time when this season has passed.  I know that God never leaves me or forsakes me and that these times of loneliness are often meant to draw me closer to Him. How blessed I am that even in the loneliest of times I am never truly alone.

For what do I thirst?

Walking along the Allegheny River behind St. Bonaventure University on Friday night, my sister and I came up on three beautiful doe grazing in the golden high grass.  Their ears perked up when we came along but they were not afraid of us.  I guess seeing all the runners, walkers and bicyclists on the path each day makes them brave.

As I looked at them and then reflected on this picture that I took I was reminded of the beautiful verse in Psalm 42 where David compares his thirst for God to that of the deer that pants for water. David, just like the deer was intent on finding what would quench his thirst.  He continued to search no matter what the obstacle and no matter what deterrents others may have put in his way.  Just as the deer.  The deer feeds where the grasses are high and plentiful but never too far from the source of water that sustains their life.

Thinking about this I wondered what am I truly thirsty for?  What do I pursue to fulfill the longing in my heart?  What is it that actually satisfies my soul?  When I think of earthly pleasures I realize just how fleeting they are.  I can enjoy the company of my family, I can enjoy a lovely meal, I can drink a glass of refreshing water, I can view a magnificent sunset but within moments the pleasure is gone and I find myself searching again.

God's Word teaches that we can only find our satisfaction in Him alone.  He is to be the one we long for.  He is the only one that can meet our needs with finality.  He is the one that loves us unconditionally.  It is only as I thirst for Him and seek Him out that I can find the peace that has alluded me over the years.  Spending time reading His Word and getting spiritual nourishment from it, actually praying continually throughout the day to strengthen my relationship with Him and sharing with others who love Him are the waters that quench my thirst.  Each day is an opportunity to seek out this life-giving water.  May I be more and more like the deer that pants after the water, never satisfied with complacency. 

Some Trust In.....

Of late I have been thinking a lot about what I put my trust in.  Looking at this picture I see two items that over the years I have put a lot of trust in.  One is in the flag, which represents the country that I love and one is this red jeep, affectionately called "Little Red." Every time we go out for a ride in Little Red we expect her to fire right up, take us over rocky roads and bring us safely home.  I also have put my trust in the money that sits in the bank.  I believe or trust that the government will stand behind that money and that it will be worth something when I next go to pay a bill or purchase an item.

Then I think about the people that I have put my trust in. There have been parents, siblings, spouses, children, friends, teachers, pastors, co-workers that I have trusted over the years.  Some people have been trustworthy - others not so much. 

God's Word specifically says that putting our complete trust in anything other than Him is a very dangerous proposition.  I recently had a conversation with my husband about a couple of instances where I had trusted in friendship only to be burned by it.  He pointed out to me that my expectations of what makes a trusting relationship is not always the same expectation that the other individual had.  And because of that I have been hurt.  And I have also caused hurt.

There is only one relationship that is completely trustworthy.  That is the relationship that I have with my Father.  He knows and loves me with complete abandonment! In His grace I have assurance that no matter what He will be there to take care of my needs and to direct my steps. Even when I fail Him - He is still there.  He has never left my side or walked away in disgust, unfriended me on Facebook or refused to respond to correspondence.  No matter what!

The country I love could fail me, Little Red could break down on the highway and leave me abandoned, my money could all evaporate with the volatility of the markets. People can and have left me, either by choice or by death.  But, my God is there.  He will never leave me or forsake me.  In Him will I put my trust.  There is definite safety there!

Bent but not Broken

On my walks last week in Ocean City, NJ I passed this lovely tree on the grounds of the Ocean City Tabernacle.  At first I did not pay much attention to it but over the course of time it made me think about life when I saw it.

This tree represents a lot about my life. Look at how it started. Strong roots that went deep into the soil. Over the course of time those roots pushed up through the soil in search of the sunshine that is so prevalent at the shore. But then something happened. Something forced that limb to jut out to the right. Was it a storm or a series of storms? Was there a change in circumstances that forced the tree limb to go off to the side rather than to continue to grow straight and tall?  And then all of a sudden it seems that it adjusted itself and once again began to grow straight and true.

I thought about how this looks so much like my life.  I too had strong roots that went deep into the soil. Roots of a loving family that taught me so much about God and my need of a Savior. Roots that despite adversity brought nourishment that enriched me so that I could grow straight and tall, seeking the sonshine!

But then things happened.  Choices were made, compromises were made, complications set in. And all of a sudden life started to go sideways. And for many years that seemed to be the way that it was going to continue. I became very bent. Aimlessly growing; but, not growing in the right direction.

Yet through it all I never completely lost my faith. I continued to pray for the strength that I needed to make the adjustments necessary to grow in the right direction again. I just love this verse from Psalm 116 where it says that God bends down to listen! What a picture! He listened when I cried out in shame and desperation.  He listened when I railed at Him for not easily fixing my situation.  He listened when I softly cried out "I am done, please take control!" How blessed I am that He bent down and heard me. And for as long as I have breathe I will pray. He tenderly has gotten the "limb" aright and I am once again seeking the sonshine! Certainly, I am bent but I am not broken!

Feeling Buffeted?

Yesterday as my husband and I sat looking out at the Atlantic Ocean the sea grass in front of us caught my eye. The wind was whipping it around yet it tenaciously held to the ground in which it was planted. The thought came to me of the word "buffet."

The sea grass is planted in an attempt to hold back the erosion of the beaches through the storms that come. It looks so very frail yet it seems to be capable of doing the task it was made for.

As I pondered this I thought about this verse from I Peter. In the King James Version the word "buffet" is used in place of "beaten" in the Living Bible, but the meaning is the same. Peter talks about how there is no credit for being patient when suffering comes for those things we have done in the flesh that bring us harm but when we do right and suffer for it and are patient - then God is pleased. It is hard for us at times to understand why this would be true.

In recent days several dear friends have been presented with some "storms" in their lives. Some of the winds that blew were illness and some were relational. I have witnessed the deep roots of their faith in God as they are buffeted about. Will they hold on with patience? Would I if given the same circumstances? It is only as we put our roots deeply into the faithfulness of our God can we hold on when we are beaten about by life's circumstances.

In my life there have been times when I have been buffeted about because of choices I made which were not pleasing to God. Yet, even in this I have seen the roots of my faith grow because God has shown such great grace and forgiveness toward me. He has given me much to be thankful for and has shown over and over again how wide and deep is His great love for me. It is in the recognition that He is faithful despite my unfaithfulness that growth occurred.  This growth, I trust will see me through the storms that will come in the days ahead.

We are not promised a life without storms. What we are promised is a loving Father who sees us through each storm when we allow our roots to grow deep in His love and to trust Him to see us though.  His grace is enough. Let us hold on with patience!

The Heavens Declare

Last week my husband and I had the privilege of camping up in one of the more rural counties north of where we live. To say I was in my element is an understatement. I am truly a country girl at heart. I love the sounds of crickets chirping, birds singing, little traffic and few people. Some might even find me to be a bit reclusive.

I gazed up at the sky so many times during that week. I saw bright sunshine with billowy clouds, I saw the deep, dark sky filled with twinkling stars overhead and the most majestic sunsets each night. All of these reminded me of the glory of God.

In Romans 1:20 it speaks of how from the earliest times men have seen the earth and sky and knew instinctively that God had made it all. We are without excuse when we look at all the grandeur of His creation. The birds sing His praise, the very rocks some day will shout out to His glory. How then can I not sing praise to Him when I gaze upon all the wonder of creation?

At times I can become quite melancholy, a season that I find myself in right now. I do not enjoy the thought of the coming of winter. Fall, while beautiful in its beginning is drab and lonely at its end. But, then I stop and look up! I look up into the beautiful sky and I see the promise of His coming. I see the glory of God shining through the sun, the moon and the stars! I hear His whisper in the breeze that causes the leaves to gently fall to the ground. And in all of this I can give praise. And perhaps, just perhaps a bit of the melancholy will be wiped away.

Metamorphosis

Over the past three weeks we have had the amazing privilege to watch a Monarch go from the caterpillar (larvae) through the chrysalis (pupa) stage to the emergent beautiful adult butterfly. Having this experience has brought so much to my mind of our lives here on earth - mine in particular.

This Monarch waited quite a long time to emerge out of the chrysalis, so long in fact that we began to wonder if the insect had died. Each day I would look at that beautiful emerald green chrysalis to see if there were any signs of change.  But day after day nothing - until this past Saturday. I looked through what now had become a translucent shell at the outline of what were the beautiful black and orange wings. Unfortunately, I had to leave for several hours and during that time this beautiful gem entered his habitat.  I watched him dry his wings patiently and after several hours - off he flew!  On to new adventures and the cycle of life.

I feel like I have been in a chrysalis for many years. Waiting to put off the old self, that selfish, proud and ofttimes unkind person who has spent way too many years looking for what brought me happiness and satisfaction. Maybe there have been family and friends who looked at me while I was in that chrysalis and wondered if I were dead inside.  Would I ever emerge from being a partner of all that was evil?

But God in His mercy has been prompting my heart to put off those rotten ways and have new attitudes, new thoughts. Thoughts of what is good, what is beautiful, what is true and right. My wings are still drying. I need to keep exercising them before I can fly on my own but I know that He is there to bring just the right breeze my way in the form of loving family and friends, words from the Scriptures that prompt me to right living and the gentle Spirit who continues to breathe life into this frail human.

And so I - like my beautiful butterfly am on to new adventures!

Tears in a Bottle

Recently, I have been thinking a lot about the past.  Being a journaler for many years I went and pulled one from 20 years ago off the shelf.  That was a particularly trying time in my life where I found myself crying out to God over and over for relief from a situation of my own making.

All of those tears.  All of those unseen cries.  All of those moments when I questioned "why." They are all contained in His book.  Every tear that I cried is held in His bottle.  Tears of sadness, tears of anger, tears of relief, tears of sorrow, tears of joy....all of them collected in His bottle and written in His book.

Why does God care about these tears?  Why does He collect each one?  It is because He is a Father who cares about even the smallest detail of our lives.  He sees us when we are hurting and He grieves with us.  We wonder at times why He does not stop the pain.  We wonder why He does not bring an end to the discomfort.  We wonder why He does not remove the thing which is keeping us from walking in His path.  All of these things I have wondered about.  Sometimes I can honestly say I have shaken my fist in anger toward Him.  And yet, He continues to love me and to collect my tears.

My tears always seem to be right at the surface.  At times I have wished I could hold them back.  But, that is not the way I am wired.  I am just so thankful that God in His sovereignty knows the purpose behind all of the pain, all the wounds, all the heartache that we experience in this life.  Some day it will be clear to me.  But, for now I am just going to remember that when I am sad or hurting He is there just as He is when I am feeling happy and joyful.  He loves me with an everlasting love and He loves me enough to collect every tear that I have cried.

Teach Us to Number our Days

Recently my husband and I went on a picnic with our Wyoming friends, Jim and LuAnn. While enjoying the beauty of one of Pennsylvania's state parks, LuAnn went on a quest to find a Monarch caterpillar. We found two of them and brought them home to watch them go through the metamorphosis from caterpillar to the beautiful butterfly we enjoy. Sadly, one of the caterpillars did not survive but one of them is now in the lovely jade green chrysalis stage. Hopefully, in another few days a Monarch will emerge that I can share with my grandson, Oliver before we set it free.

As I have been watching this process unfold it has reminded me of the seasons of life that we go through. Some never get to see the completion of each season of life and some, like my grandma live long into the winter season of life. None of us know. Each day in the stage we are in is meant to be lived to its fullest because we do not know what the future holds for us.

As I was reading my Bible this morning I came across a passage that I long ago memorized. Psalm 90:12. "Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." Have I grown any wiser in this season of my life? Am I any kinder, any gentler, any more forgiving? I pray that I will be mindful of the days that God gives to me that I will first of all give Him the glory and honor that is due to Him and secondly that I will love my neighbor as I love myself. I pray that my heart will become wise and that I will use that wisdom to make better choices and decisions in whatever time God has ordained for me to live. And maybe at the end of life, I will emerge as beautiful as the Monarch with a beauty that comes from walking in the path of my Savior.