The Insurance Dilemma

Okay - I will admit it. I am getting old. In fact, I have just crested the hill of my 50's and am sliding down the other side. Tonight, my husband and I spent two hours talking with an insurance salesman about long term care insurance. Talk about depressing!!!!

But, now that he has gone and I am sitting back and thinking about it - what we were talking about was a temporary thing. Something to tide us over until our homegoing. Something to keep the nest egg safe so that the kids will have something when we are gone. Just because I am thinking about this doesn't mean it is ever going to happen. I mean after all, the Lord could come back tonight and it would all be for naught. I could be raptured home and never have to spend one minute of time in a nursing home.

The bigger thought that came to my mind was the idea of insurance in terms of eternity. How often have I treated my salvation like an insurance policy. Live like you choose, Carol, after all you have "fire insurance". Sad, but I bet there are other people out there besides myself that have looked at their salvation in such a flippant way.

Our salvation though came at a premium price that cannot be described in dollars and cents. Our salvation cost God the death of His precious Son. Jesus gave up His throne in heaven to come to earth as a man, suffer unspeakable pain in order to pay for my sin. How can this be taken lightly? How can we not reflect on the cost of our redemption?

This policy purchased by my Savior is for my eternal care. Not just for long term care - but eternal. Can I even comprehend what that means? There is nothing on this earth that can compare with the knowledge that my salvation is secure in heaven. Nothing can rob me of this. I may lose every earthly possession but nothing can snatch me out of the hand of my Father.

So rather than being depressed about the fact that age is creeping up on me - I will find the way to make each day count. Find ways to share with others that they too can have an insurance policy of eternal care. And the one that provides that care does not discriminate. There is no restriction on who can come - they only must accept the provision. This is the greatest of all gifts.

The Hem of His Garment

Matthew 9:20-21 'Just then a woman who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak. She said to herself, "If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed."'

What must it have been like to have been this woman? I wonder. For twelve long years she had suffered with health issues that not only made her feel weak and distressed but also brought about ostracism from her friends and family. Finally as a last ditch effort she pushed her way through the crowd in an attempt to see the Master. Surely she had heard about the miracles of healing that He had performed and now she was intent on finding healing for herself.

The crowd that surrounded Jesus was immense. She must have felt out of place and perhaps even afraid that those around her would see her and mention to Him that an "unclean" woman was in their midst. Fear, I am sure must have been her constant companion. Yet, still she pressed on. I wonder if she had any friends who walked beside her or did she walk alone?

There He was! She caught a glimpse of Him and could even hear the sound of His voice as He shared with the mob around Him truths about the Father. Her heart pounding she tried to think of a way to interact with Him. Yet, with each passing moment she could feel the distance grow between where she stood and where Jesus was heading. What could she do? Suddenly, in desperation she must have thought, "If I could just touch His garment - it would be enough." What kind of faith was that? Faith that Jesus and His healing power transcended the human touch. Faith that by just reaching out and touching the great Healer that she would be free. And so she stretched out her trembling arms and grasped the hem - the very edge of His robe.

Suddenly, He turned. What did she feel? Was she afraid? I bet she was. Especially when He spoke and mentioned that someone had touched Him and that He had felt power leave Him and be given to another. The disciples must have thought Him absurd to even wonder who touched Him when the gathering of followers continued to swell. But He knew. He knew her. He knew her need and felt her pain. He knew that she was afraid. He spoke to her. "Jesus turned and saw her. "Take heart, daughter," he said, "your faith has healed you." And the woman was healed from that moment." Her faith had healed her. Her faith in the one who she touched.

Like the woman in this story, I too have experienced the healing that comes from the touch of His garment. Not in the literal sense as she had but in the spiritual sense. My issues were different by far than hers; but, I do know what it is like to feel alone and afraid. I know what it feels like to wonder whether the crowd who surrounded me would push me away and not let me grow close to the Savior. But, He turned and He looked back at me. He reminded me that my faith would heal me too. It was a matter of trust.

A Sea of Humanity

I am not much for crowds. I hate the pushing and shoving and the waiting in lines. But once in awhile I have to just deal with it if I want to attend some of my favorite events. For example, I love baseball. So I survive the jostling in order to watch 9 men with a stick and a ball sweat out in the summer sun. I love concerts where my favorite musicians and singers share their talents with the masses. And I enjoy events such as Women of Faith. Bearing that in mind, I just have to get past the fact that there are rude people who shove ahead of me in line, traffic that can cause even the calmist driver to fret and a never ending wait to use the bathroom.

Yesterday as I was coming down the escalator at the Women of Faith conference I mentioned (shouted) to my friend that it looked like a sea of humanity. And it was. Everywhere I looked there were women. Some were talking, some were listening and some just were walking alone. But each and every one of them represented a soul that my Savior loves and died for. My question was and still is - how many of them know that?

Our world is a lonely place filled with people who struggle for a sense of connection. Many are born into circumstances where love is absent. Many are castaways - unwanted by family - and unloved by the world. Still others have lost their way on the journey of life. Perhaps they started down paths that led them to Christ but along the way choices pulled them off and now they too feel alone and abandoned. How heart wrenching it is to be alone and worse yet to feel unwanted and abandoned.

I believe that when Jesus looked out on the sea of humanity that followed Him everywhere He had a heart of compassion and love for them. And this is the heart that I believe He wants each of us who know Him to have and to share. But it is not easy. There is a real inconvenience about loving other people. I mean after all I might have to give up something that means the world to me. Or perhaps I would have to take a back seat or no seat at all in order to allow another to rest. Maybe I would have to shoulder more of the load in order to give a fellow laborer a much needed break. I might have to sacrifice.

Ah, there is the rub. I might have to sacrifice. Am I willing to do that? Could I give up what I feel I have rightfully earned in order for someone less fortunate than myself to enjoy a small pleasure? Could I invest valuable time in the life of someone else in order to see them come into the kingdom even if it meant I might not be able to indulge in an activity that I enjoy?

Do I really care about people or do I simply give it lip service? Oh Father, I pray that is not the case. I want to look out on the sea of humanity that crosses my daily path and have Your heart. I want to see the lonely faces and know that I have the answer that can give them peace that knows no understanding and the love that only comes from being a child of the King. Wash over me and cleanse me of the selfish spirit that wants what I want first and foremost. Allow me to enter into Your work with a renewed passion and a sense of earnestness and urgency. Take away any of the barriers that keep me from seeking Your best for the world that I am a part of. Help me to love as You love. Teach me to be a living sacrifice - wholly and acceptable unto You.

An Unexpected Award and Friends

The other day I was blogging about being lonely. Isn't it amazing how God reaches down in extra-ordinary ways and brings people into our lives to let us know He understands our needs? I just think that is one of the best things about being His child. He knows - before I even ask.

My journey has taken me to enroll in a writing course. I do not really know where God is leading me in this but I feel strongly compelled to learn to write effectively so that I can share my story with others. Along the way, I "bumped" into a new friend, Heidi. Heidi is a part of the same writing guild that I now belong to and also is a blogger. You really should check her work out, "Moms, Ministry and More". She graciously read my blog and gave me this really neat award. It meant a great deal to me. Not so much that she liked my writing but that she felt connected to me through it. That really meant a lot.

Writing to me is a window to my soul. If you have followed my journey this past year or more (or if you have known me for awhile) you know that my soul has experienced tremendous sorrow as well as joy. My writing is my way of sharing the depths of that pain as well as the healing that God has done. To share that with someone new and to have them connect with me is an unexpected gift.

God is good. He has given me friends over the years who have stuck by me through the good times as well as the bad. And He continues to send new people into my life to bring new perspectives and challenges. I am so grateful to Him for hearing my prayer and filling my need. He is so good.

And so, I would encourage you to reach out to others in a new way. It may be through a blog post or maybe it is someone who is sitting in a pew in your church. There are a lot of lonely people out in our world who need an encouraging arm wrapped around them or a kind word spoken to them. Who knows - it may lead to a wonderful new friendship!

Heidi, thank you for this. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog and acknowledge it. May God richly bless you and your family in your work and may your writing continue to inspire others to a closer walk with our Lord.

Make Me a Vessel

2 Corinthians 4:7 "But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us."

Today I was thinking a lot about containers. An odd thing to be thinking about, I agree, but it was what was running through my mind. In our marketing crazy world the science of containers has become a pretty hot commodity. It is all about the packaging.

While drinking my coffee this morning I was looking at my favorite mug. It is a heavy mug with a beautiful rim and a sturdy handle. It feels good on my lips as I drink the warm brew each morning. And even though it is still summer I enjoy the snowflakes that were burned into the finish on the cup. Still, if I went and got a paper cup and poured my coffee into it the taste would pretty much be the same. For that matter I could pour my coffee into a bowl or a vase or a milk jug and it would still be coffee - warm and inviting.

What I am getting at here is that the container really doesn't matter. The vessel is not what brings the value - it is what the vessel contains. After all Starbucks couldn't possibly charge you nearly $3.00 for an empty paper cup could they?

We then are containers or as Paul states above - earthen vessels - that God in His marvelous grace chose to place the Holy Spirit. Imagine it - God dwells within each of us that are His children. It doesn't matter what the vessel looks like - its shape, its color, its age. What matters is that the vessel is fit for the Holy Spirit to take up residence within it.

But, what if the vessel isn't clean? In my analogy of the coffee cup suppose that there was residue of some other beverage in that cup. I pour in my freshly brewed coffee awaiting with anticipation that first sip. Then I taste something unfamiliar and certainly not expected. It tastes bad. It still is a cup of coffee but it is now tainted. Like that cup if I am not clean, if I do not continually evaluate the state of my vessel the Holy Spirit must live within me and His power may be tainted by my sin. What people see of this vessel should portray its contents.

My prayer is that I would be a vessel that is fit for the King of kings. I want to be pure and holy so that the power of God is evident to all that come in contact with me.

Lonely

I am missing Claire. Isn't that weird? The past two years have been so difficult and yet I find myself missing the sound of her voice, the opening and closing of her door and yes - even the cutting, sometime hurtful comments. I truly love that girl. And I am so grateful for her role in my life.

In 1999 I began a journey that took me far from my family and friends. It all started out so innocently. And actually it was a result of feeling lonely. I had prayed that God would provide a friend for me - someone who could hear my heart. I believed that He had answered that prayer. I became more and more involved in spending time together, feeding this starving desire to be loved and cared for. And over the course of time the neglect of my kids and husband led to the break up of our family.

Sadly, the pain that Claire has experienced that has brought about so much of her anger has its source in those decisions that I made. It took nearly 8 years for me to wander out of the abyss that I was living in. Claire had to rock my world in order for me to realize that my selfishness had to end.

Claire has challenged me in ways that I never thought I would be challenged. Raising her these last two years has been a struggle and I do not always feel that I have been succesful. But, I do know this - God has used this situation to bring me back to Him. I am choosing to look at this situation as an opportunity for me to grow closer to God and to hopefully grow in a deeper, more meaningful relationship with my daughter.

Yet, this loneliness nags at me. I long to have someone that will answer the deepest needs of my heart. All through the wandering years I know that God was teaching me that the loneliness came from separation from Him. And now as I am growing closer to His heart I need to choose Him first and foremost. I need to seek His love above any others and to listen to His voice above the noise of the world around me. His love and peace is really all that I need.

If in His love for me He would provide healing with Claire that would be an undeserved gift. I pray for that. Not for my own sake but for hers. I want her to learn to seek God above all else and I pray that even in these days when she is so far from family and friends that He will fill her lonely heart with longing for Him. He is greater by far than the chasm that I created. And I am grateful for the bridge that He lay down to bring me back to His heart. And I pray that my dear Claire bear will find the way back before it is too late.

I love you, Claire Elizabeth.