I Don't Want to be a Dried Out Sponge

Lately I have been struggling with feeling sort of "blah". Kind of like this sponge. Dry and very useless. Even trying to scrub the sink with a dried up sponge will not get me very far. It is only when that sponge contains water does it take on any useful characteristics. Although even the makeup of the water makes a difference.

So consider this. If you take a sponge and dip it into a bucket of ink and then start to clean with it - wow - you are in for a big mess. Or if the water you are using perhaps has sat for a long time it may make your sponge smelly. It is only when the water is pure and clean that it makes the sponge useful for its intended purpose.

John 7:38
Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him."

Scripture gives us instruction that tells us that living water will flow from the person who believes in Jesus Christ. This is the only way that our lives can be totally full and able to be used. How then do we become dry and useless? I know for me it comes when my attitudes are not what they need to be. When I am struggling with an attitude of complaint, or criticism or coveteousness then I am in danger of not being filled with the living water. Not that I have lost the source - it is that I am not choosing attitudes that would allow the water to flow through me and out to others.

It is a constant struggle for me to deal with the attitudes that have become so ingrained in me. I have found over the past few years that my heart has struggled with having an idolatrous attitude. And the idolatry is that of pride. I have put myself above others and often times above my relationship with God. This prideful attitude is what causes me to feel dry and lifeless. It is only as I disconnect from the brackish water of pride and connect into the living water of humility that I can experience the life giving flow.

I feel like there needs to be a cleansing in my heart. Father, I am praying that you will take this dry heart and remove from me those attitudes that keep me from being connected to your lifegiving water. I pray that my life would be renewed with the attitudes of thankfulness and love. Take from me any of the past that also tends to plague me. Create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me.

Ever Try and Go Through Life on E-ZPass?

Many of you can relate to this story. Some of you more than others. But, I have discovered that you can't get very far in life trying to get by on E-ZPass.

E-ZPass has been implemented on many of our nation's toll road systems as a way to eliminate the human element of tollbooth attendants and to help the frequent traveler get to their intended destination without having to stop. Just put that token on your windshield and you can whisk your way from one place to another with nary a care in the world.

Well for those of us who are not the frequent tollroad traveler it can be confusing when negotiating the system. Case in point, several weeks ago my husband, daughter and I were traveling the PA Turnpike over near Philadelphia. We planned on a stop at the IKEA store to do a bit of apartment shopping for my daughter. We exited the NorthEast extension and never came across a tollbooth. Thinking this odd we questioned what had gone wrong but then giggled in delight that we had perhaps outsmarted the turnpike system and saved a little over $3.00 in tolls.

Fast forward three weeks. When heading up to bed, I noted an envelope on the table addressed to me. In it was a photo similar to the one at the top of this page. It was a bill for over $45.00 for failing to stop at the tollbooth and not having an E-ZPass. So much for the delight. We certainly had not outsmarted the system.

This whole episode got me thinking about my life. And this is where the relating thing comes in. Have you ever thought you were outsmarting God? Like you could go through life without paying the "toll". "No one will ever know." "I can get by with this and not get caught." Ever had thoughts like that?

Isaiah 29:15-16 "Woe to those who go to great depths
to hide their plans from the LORD,
who do their work in darkness and think,
"Who sees us? Who will know?"
You turn things upside down,
as if the potter were thought to be like the clay!
Shall what is formed say to him who formed it,
"He did not make me"?
Can the pot say of the potter,
"He knows nothing"?

How foolish we are to think that the all-knowing, all-seeing, ever present creator of the universe would not know every thought and intent of our hearts as well as every action we have either done or contemplated. Just as we discovered with our little turnpike illustration - the price will be paid.

We can rejoice that God loves us despite our failure to consider the cost. He loves us with an everlasting love. His grace is poured out upon us day after day. His mercy is new every morning. But, we ought not to ever think that we can skate by without thinking that He knows. We need to live with the knowledge that whether we like it or not all of our decisions come with consequences, good or bad.

My prayer is that I will not try and outsmart God. What a foolish jesture. And the bill is way too high to pay.

When the Pen gets Cold

My pen has grown cold. Not a literal pen but a figurative one. Try as I might, the past few months were difficult for me to put words to my emotions. I am not sure even now that I can really write effectively.

Life continues to throw curve balls my direction. It makes me wonder at times just what God is up to. Not just some times but most of the time. The path winds down some steep and bumpy slopes fraught with confusion and at times feelings of fear and dread. I know that God promises that He would never leave me nor forsake me but at times it seems as though I walk this journey alone.

Words fail me. I lift up my pen and put it to the paper and find I have little to say. Really. I lift my voice in prayer and murmur confused words of pleading to God asking for a measure of understanding to come over me. How does one respond to circumstances that are out of their control yet impact us so profoundly?

Perhaps it is because I finally have come out of the fog of deception that I lived under for so long. This may explain why I feel so lost now. I am trying to understand living in truth. I am trying to understand how people do not always respond favorably to that position. And I am fervently praying that God will sustain me through this growth process so that I do not regress back into the person I once was.

I am praying for direction. What would God have me write about? What value does my writing have to anyone? Does it even really matter? Is my writing meant to be shared privately with my Father or does He intend me to share my journey more fully, more transparently to others? I want to be a vessel that is used. I want my life to have some real value to others. I want to know that my life has purpose.

In time, maybe the flame of my pen will burn brightly again. I pray that will be true. I pray that my words will be fitly spoken and that they would portray the truth of God's unfailing love to others. More than anything, I pray that my words will be s symphony of praise to my Father.