I am more like a Hummingbird

One of my favorite songs from years gone by is "His eye is on the sparrow". I remember when I was a little girl in our small country church that the pastor asked me to sing that in a Sunday evening service. The tender words of that song have given me comfort over the years.

Scripture mentions the sparrow several times. For example Luke 12:7 says "Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." Wow, talk about detail. God loves me enough to count the number of hairs on my head. And He loves me more than many sparrows. But, really now - sparrows? We don't see them as worth much when we consider birds. God is not one though to be charmed by the allure of the fancy birds like the peacocks or the know it all birds like the owl or even the soaring birds like the eagle. He compares his love for us to the common bird. In Matthew 12:29 the Bible states "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father." Every movement, every detail of the life of the sparrow is controlled by the Father.

So I thought about this analogy. Am I a sparrow? Sparrows are little birds that seem to be at ease wherever they land. They don't seem too bothered by the noise and distractions of things around them. As long as there is food and shelter the little sparrow remains comfortable and happy. But, that doesn't really define me. I am more like the hummingbird. I dart in and out - never landing for more than an instant. Busily trying to get ahead, find answers and seek something to fill this aching hole in my heart. I never pause long enough to grasp the situation. To take it all in and determine if I need to stay longer or move on. Restless. Always looking for the next place to find the sweetness of life.

You know what though? Hummingbirds tire easily. They beat their little wings so rapidly to move their bodies from place to place. They get burned out and die. The sparrows on the other hand pace themselves. They know that they can get and receive all that they need from the hand of the Father. So, I have decided to retire my hummingbird wings and become a sparrow. If my Father cares for me so much to know the very number of the hairs of my head and if He cares enough to know that the tiny sparrow has fallen then surely I do not need to be driven by the need to flit from answer to answer. He is all I need. He is the Answer.


Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heaven and home,
When Jesus is my portion? My constant friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.


Refrain

I sing because I’m happy,
I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.


Verse 2

"Let not your heart be troubled," His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.


Verse 3

Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

My Lilies

This past winter while shopping at our local Target store I came across this sale item. It was a nice green pot complete with soil and 3 lily bulbs. I have always enjoyed lilies and I knew that they are my daughter's favorite flowers. So I said to myself - why not. The price was good and even if the lilies didn't pan out - I would have a nice pot.

So I brought them home and for a while the pot just sat in the bag waiting patiently for me to get busy and plant the bulbs. Finally, one night I decided it was time to put the dirt in the pot and get those bulbs planted. Following the directions I dutifully did all that was required to get them on their way. Finished with the planting, I placed the pot in our kitchen bay window and began the process of waiting.

Literally weeks went by before even the faintest hint of two of the bulbs came up. Curious, I looked to see what had happened to the third one. So I dug it up. Here I had planted it upside down. The lily was trying to push its way up when it was actually pushing its way nowhere but to the bottom. I flipped the bulb right side up and put its very weak stem up toward the light and wondered if it would ever bear a flower.

Each day the stems of the two big plants grew higher and taller and they began to get tiny little pods on them that I hoped would become beautiful lilies. I tenderly cared for them but some of the pods dropped off and I began to think that maybe all I would get was a lot of foliage and no flowers. The third little plant valiantly kept growing - but never was as big as the other two. Yet - I saw a pod develop that actually looked healthier than the ones of the other two.

About a week ago the first lily bloomed. Glorious. Its smell permeates the kitchen. Then two more. And the littlest lily - the one that was growing the wrong direction is soon ready to burst forth with a grand blossom!

Isn't it amazing how God uses nature to teach us lessons? Even as I write this I think about how I am like that little lily. I tried to grow - and I gave it my best shot - but I was growing the wrong direction. Heading down wrong paths. Intentions were good - but the progress went awry somehow. But, the master Gardener found me. Saw me in that pot and righted me. Oh I may not be caught up to some of the other plants in the garden but I am pointing toward the true Light. My buds are maturing and growing fatter and richer with each day of Sonlight and food from the Bread of Life and water from the well that will never run dry. In time, with the Master's care, I will blossom. I will have a lovely aroma to share with those that come around me. Not an aroma of my own making, but one of the fragrances that come from the garden of God.

Shattered

Pieces of me scattered here and there
The little girl cries for the life that once was.
Torn and riddled by the pain of my sin
The woman cries for the life that now is.

Is there hope in the rays that fall on each piece?
Will the little girl find what she sought for so long?
Is there peace in the grace that extends from above?
Will the woman find what she searches for now?

Are you there, God in the broken pieces?
Can you kiss the hurt and hear my cry?
Will you meet me in the depths of my heart?
And heal me from my silent pain?

I need You now to hear my cries
From the depths of a childlike heart
I need You now to feel my hurt
As my heart is torn a part.

I Want to be the Tree

Psalm 1
1 Blessed is the man
who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
or stand in the way of sinners
or sit in the seat of mockers.
2 But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law he meditates day and night.

3 He is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither.
Whatever he does prospers.

4 Not so the wicked!
They are like chaff
that the wind blows away.

5 Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.

6 For the LORD watches over the way of the righteous,
but the way of the wicked will perish.

Psalm 1 has always been one of my favorite Psalms. As a small child I can remember sitting in church memorizing it to pass the time. Those words have stuck with me for all these years and still have a tremendous impact on me each time I read them or meditate on them.

Perhaps it is why I have always enjoyed the spring. The coming to life of the trees that surround me is breath-taking. What glorious colors splash the once drab winter weary land. The budding fruit trees with their promise of fruit yet to come surround me and remind me of the truths of this psalm.

What difference it makes when a tree is planted by a source of water. The leaves are healthy, the fruit abounds and the limbs spread wider and higher with each passing year. On the other hand the tree that lacks nourishment withers and fades away. Leaves drop prematurely to the ground and in time the branches break off and the tree dies.

The Christian who cherishes the Word of God, who yearns for its truths and pants to know more of God will flourish. Prosper. Grow. Fruit will be abundant and satisfying. On the other hand those who try to go through life without drawing their strength from the strength-giver will fall by the wayside. They will be blown away like the chaff or will be like the tree that does not have any life.

I want to be the tree. I want to be the tree that is planted by the life giving waters. I want the fruit of my life to be in abundance. How great is the gift of the Word that I can grow to know the God I love in a more intimate and deep way. My heart yearns for Him and to know Him.

There is no other source of life, no other source of strength, no other source of salvation than through the living Word that teaches us of the saving grace of the Lord Jesus Christ. What distractions keep me from growing deeper into the Word? I pray that God will reveal them to me and I will be willing to lay them aside.

May I see fruit in my life as my roots go deeper into His Word.

Transplanted and Grafted In

My cousin, Bill went out one cool spring evening last year to get me some home grown lilacs and as an added bonus he found a forsythia. Now you have to know that anything that comes from "up home" has got to be better than anything that is grown around here. So I came back from McKean County with a bucket of 3 little bushes and my husband planted them in our back yard. We lovingly cared for them through their first summer, fall and winter. As the winter snow melted away I anxiously went out to see whether there was any life in the tiny plants. Sure enough, the forsythia, just like its older and much more mature neighbor across the alley was ready to bud. And my tiny lilacs are filled with lovely leaves and there is a promise of lilac blossoms yet to come. I guess that even the move to Cumberland County could not kill these hardy plants.

As I was thinking about this entry tonight I was thinking about how these plants represent a lot about me. I know what it is like to be transplanted and by God's grace I know what it is like to be grafted in.

Romans 11:17-18 "If some of the branches have been broken off, and you, though a wild olive shoot, have been grafted in among the others and now share in the nourishing sap from the olive root, do not boast over those branches. If you do, consider this: You do not support the root, but the root supports you."

When Paul penned this he was discussing how the Jews had broken off from the olive root (Christ) and that Gentiles were grafted in among the Jewish believers and are now receiving the nourishment from the root. How awesome it is to realize that we are able to be moved from one place to another - transplanted from the world of death and sin to the eternal home of our Father because we are grafted into the root that supports us.

I am so blessed when I stop and think about the wonder of my salvation. God provided the way for me to be grafted into His family. I live by the nourishment that is supplied by the Word and by the Spirit. God in His love has continued to prune and to shape me into a beautiful branch. I pray that I will be able to flower and to bear fruit that others may know by my fruit that I belong to the root.

Transplanted into the Kingdom of Light and Grafted into the Family of God!

Sunflowers, Love and a Stone

Little did my friend, Diane know her gift would become the subject of one of my entries. Knowing me as she does, she knows that sunflowers are my absolute favorite flower. They represent all that is cheerful and good about creation to me. They shoot up through the soil as tiny plants that can grow to great heights all in pursuit of one fundamental thing - the sun. They turn their beautiful faces toward the sunlight and when evening comes they cast their look down. It is as if they know in the light there is joy and in darkness there is sorrow.

It was interesting to me when she gave me this gift that the one lone sunflower was coming up out of a stone. And that stone had etched on its front the word "love". Now, I must say that this friend of mine has been an agent of God's love department for many, many years. She has been with me through the happy times and the not so happy times and never once did she give up on me. She prayed, she called, she sought me out when I went into hiding. All of this because she represented her Savior to me. And out of that love a little hope was renewed.

You see, my heart had become like a stone. Believe me when I say that the scripture is true when it speaks of our hearts being like stone. Because of my constant living in the pit (see yesterday) I became hard to the things of the Spirit. In fact, there were so many times when I totally rebelled and went contrary to what I knew in my heart was right to do that soon I became absolutely hardened to the voice of the Spirit. My heart was hard and there did not seem to be any hope of returning back to the Lord I loved.

But, there was love. Love of a friend, love of a faithful mother, love of sisters and brother and love of my children. Most of all - there was the love of a Savior who would not give up on me. Who loved me enough to die for me and loved me enough to rescue me from the pit. This Jesus, who bore my sorrow, who paid my penalty, who died an agonizing death for me loved me that much. Wow. That's all I can say.

Slowly, in the seemingly impermeable rock a tiny crack appeared. And into that crack a seed was planted. Oh that plant needed help. It needed some watering, thank you friends and family, it needed a fresh breeze, praise you Spirit of the living God and most of all it needed Sonshine, how I love You, Lord Jesus. The plant continues to grow and to pursue the warmth of the Son and to live in the Light. And yes, the plant knows that there will be times when the clouds come and block out the sun but the plant trusts in the coming of the new day when the sunshine will once again burst forth and the face of the flower will reflect the image of her maker.

Father, please hear my cry

Psalm 28:1 "To you I call, O LORD my Rock; do not turn a deaf ear to me. For if you remain silent, I will be like those who have gone down to the pit."

I am the first one to admit - I have been a pit dweller. I have been reading a book by Beth Moore called "Get out of that Pit!" and it has been excellent for me. And I recognize that the pit has been my home for a long time and I am really tired of being there. Now of course, I have jumped in head first a few times, crawled my way out by my own will and fell right back in. It is a very wearying thing to be a pit dweller. There is not a whole lot of fresh air there and the light grows dimmer the deeper in I go.

After awhile you start to feel pretty much at home in the pit. I mean, I know every nook and cranny. I can count the number of steps from one side to the other and I know by feel every bump in the walls. After all in the pit life is pretty comfortable. You know your limitations and you grow accustomed to it. But, now and then there is this nagging suspicion that I am missing out on something and that the air must be cleaner and the light brighter outside of the pit.

Now and then I will half-heartedly call out from the pit and ask someone else to lend me a hand and lift me out. Try as they might these helpful, caring friends have been unable to get me past the lip of the pit before either I let go or they grew weary of the tug of war. I discovered each time that I fell back that I was actually further down in the pit.

So now after all of these years of being in the dank, dark, lonely environment that I have called home, I am calling out to God. I am asking Him to see me where I am and to lift me up where the fresh air of the Spirit and the light of the Son can help me to grow and flourish. I am weary of the confines of the pit and all the lies that have kept me down.

There is risk in being out of the pit. And that has been something that has trapped me in the past. How can it be risky to be out in the light and the fresh air? The answer to that is that one must live in the TRUTH. And so other pit dwellers may not want to know my truth or they may not accept my truth once they do know it. That is risky. Would I rather live in safety and live a lie or would I rather live in truth and learn to truly trust in the Father who loves me beyond what I could ask or think? I am crying out to God that He will lift me from the pit and help my unbelief.

Pit dwellers, especially those who put themselves in the pit, usually think that they are beyond the help of God. It's a pride thing. I mean after all my sin is pretty big, pretty deep and how in the world could God ever forgive me? I have come to realize that my idol that I have bowed down to all these years has been my own foolish pride.

Father, forgive me. See me for who I am and here my cry as I seek to be lifted out of the pit of my own making. Set me on the rock that is higher than I. I pray that Your Spirit will fill my life with the fresh air of Your love. Help me to seek Your truth because in Your truth there is perfect freedom. Freedom to serve You and love You as I so long to do. Crush the enemy that seeks to keep me in the confines of the pit. Help me to see through the Truth of Your word all of his schemes. When I am confronted with temptation help me to choose the good path, the ancient way. I long to live in the freedom that serving You can bring.

Amen - thank You for hearing my cry.

Saying Goodbye to the Past

You know sometimes I hang onto stuff for just way too long. I have things that I got when I was in high school stuffed away in boxes. I have old love letters from boyfriends that no longer even know I am alive. I have cards and pictures and momentos from trips to far off places. And no one looks at them. They just clutter up my life. So why do I hold onto them?

It seems that the past has always had a hold on me. Until recently. Now it seems that I want to purge my life of all the clutter and at the same time say goodbye to some of the memories that have haunted me for way too long.

Having things around that bring back thoughts of long ago days can be good or they can be destructive. It is the destructive memories that I am determined to eliminate. They have been like an anchor around my neck that has kept me mired down in the pit. My house as well as my mind needs to be cleaned out. Swept clean and filled with thoughts of what is good and lovely and positive.

I am committed to placing all of that stuff out of my life. It has cluttered for its last days. The sentiments that were attached to those objects - objects that represented a relationship that was poison to my soul are soon going to be gone. The poision has been replaced with the healing love of my Father. I am searching and finding all that I need in the arms of the One who loves me completely and without any strings.

The past represents what was. Lessons to be learned. Wisdom to be gained. I am grateful that in His mercy God has allowed me to see growth in my spirit. I am looking forward now to what is and what will be rather than reliving the past that brought me such sorrow.

Goodbye.

At the Crossroads

I have found the Internet to be a tremendous blessing and a source of a great deal of good information. Following my Monday night counseling session I was challenged about the concept of "Listening Prayer". Since this idea was somewhat new to me I decided to come home and go out on the Internet looking for information about this. Along the way, I came across a verse of scripture in someone's post that really touched my heart. And this verse is the subject of my blog entry today.

"This is what the Lord says: Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls. But you said, We will not walk in it." Jeremiah 6:16

Interestingly enough the person whose blog I read did not put the last sentence into her post. It was only as I was going out to find the exact verse for my writing that I saw it. Again, God is so good.

I am at the crossroads. I have been going through a tremendous journey the last six months. I have discovered many things about myself that I did not know - or perhaps was unwilling to recognize. I have discovered that I have a very prideful heart. Even in my sorrow over my sin, I have been proud. Too proud to accept that the God I love could love me. I have found that I am an idolater. I have placed other gods before God. I have realized that I have been and continue to be in bondage with addictions that wreck havoc on my physical body.

Now, some may see this as very discouraging. But, I don't. I am thrilled. God has been using this time to reveal to me that He desires to be my all in all. He desires to love me out of the bondage that I am in. He desires to break down the strongholds that have held me fast. And so this verse is so appropriate.

So here it is. The verse says that I am to ask for the ancient path. And so I am praying that God will reveal that to me. I always loved the thought that God was the Ancient of Days. The ancient path then must lead to Him. We are also to ask for the good path. How like God to remind me through the prophet Jeremiah that I am to ask for the good path. He knows that I have absolutely NO problem finding the wrong path. And so I am praying that God will direct me to the good path.

And so, I am praying and listening. And I am determined to walk in the good path. I know that I may be walking alone. I may not have any human company. But, that is okay. I believe that God is teaching me that I must find my peace in Him and that I must be continually plugged into Him and not be fretting about who or who doesn't walk with me. He promises that I will find rest for my soul. Oh how blessed that would be. I have been striving for so long. And I am so terribly weary. I need rest for my soul. How much does the Father love me that He gave this verse to me at this time.

Sadly, the verse doesn't end there. Obviously, the audience that Jeremiah was sharing with did not take the counsel. They chose to not walk in the good way. They chose not to ask for the ancient path. They chose not to have rest for their weary souls. Lest I seem judgemental I know how easy this is to have happen. I have been headstrong in my life. I have chosen time and again the wrong path - the sinful path that led to destruction.

Oh God, Ancient of Days
I long to walk in your good path
My soul is weary and longs for peace

Oh God, Everlasting One
I ask for your Ancient path
At the crossroad I stand

Oh God, Omniscient One
You see my heart
Guide me to chose the right way

Oh God, Omnipotent One
You know my weakness
Strengthen me with Your power

Oh God, Omnipresent One
You surround me on every side
Guard my heart and mind

How gracious and good you are.