Being Congruent

Being congruent is my goal. If you were a math person you would probably be familiar with the term congruent. It is often applied to triangles. Two triangles are said to be congruent when they are the same shape and size. Okay so you are wondering what in the world does that have to do with me.

To be truthful, I have not been congruent. I have been anything but. My behavior over the years, the choices that I have made certainly were not identical to my Father. We are to be like Christ. Whenever we stray away from the directives given to us in the Word of God we lose our congruency. Our angles become out of perspective. And sometimes the differences become so great that we no longer resemble our Savior.

My heart's desire is to become congruent. This desire though is not easy to fulfill. It means at times falling out of favor with loved ones because the choices that I must make are not always the popular ones. Sometimes it may mean leaving a job if it compromises what I believe God is directing me to do. The bending and molding that God must do in order to bring congruency back into my life has been and continues to be painful. Yet, there is a joy in the pain. There is joy in knowing that the more I seek to be like Him the more I will be congruent to Him. People will see Him through me.

My prayer is that no matter how difficult the molding becomes that I will stay true to the process that God is working out in me. I pray that no matter how rugged the times become that I will follow hard after Him and live to see my image conformed more closely to His. And someday - when I see Him in His glory - I will be completely congruent!

Words

I have been thinking a lot about words. Words have the capability to soothe or to harm, to uplift or to degrade, to encourage or to despair. They can have a bite to them or they can be musical.

How we use words in our everyday lives imparts to others the intent of our heart. Sometimes our word though is not to be trusted. We hide behind lies when it suits our purposes. Or at times we give words of flattery when we feel it will make the other person happy or perhaps go easier on us. When the intent of our heart is not pure - the words that we speak are not pure either.

Over and over in scripture the intent of the heart is mentioned in response to the words and actions that we speak and do. Matthew 15:18 says "But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man 'unclean.'" Our hearts in their unclean state allow us to issue words that are neither true or right. The tongue is like an untamed rudder that runs the boat adrift.

I struggle at times with my heart. There are circumstances that have caused me to harbor hard feelings toward others. These feelings reside deep within my heart and out of my mouth come words that can bring harm to those people. My prayers of late has turned toward the deep-seeded sin that causes me to say or think things about others that is hurtful. I know that God is teaching me that to love others as I am called to requires dealing with the heart issues. Whenever I am tempted to say things that are untrue or to gossip about someone I am trusting that God will instead help me to bring blessing to those that have harmed me. It is hard. But it is was is right.

Psalm 19:14 is now the prayer of my heart. "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer." I pray that I will dedicate my heart to edifying those that God puts in my path and that the words that I say, write or think will be pleasing to the Lord. It will always be a struggle in this life because the father of lies desires nothing more than to have us say things that will bring pain to others but I do believe that by the strength of the Holy Spirit I will be able to overcome the weakness of my flesh in this area.

Words are a powerful tool. I pray that this tool will be used for construction and not for destruction in the lives that I come in contact with.

Tunneling Through

Sunlight - fresh air - freedom! That is what it feels like when you finally emerge out of a tunnel. Just how great that feels depends on how long the tunnel journey. I can tell you - my tunnel was long. And I can also tell you - the air is sweet!

I entered into the tunnel of darkness nearly 9 years ago now. It was a gradual thing. Actually for part of the trip there were companions but eventually I found myself crawling along in the darkness all alone. Sometimes I could feel the tunnel sloping downward and other times I could sense it leveling off. But always there was darkness and the stench of fetid air.

There were times while in the tunnel where I came at decision points. Would I turn to the left or the right, would I go straight or would I go up? All along I was trying to make this journey through the tunnel in my own strength with my own wisdom and with my own determination. But I wasn't making any headway. In fact, if anything I was falling deeper and deeper into the tunnel - further from the light.

But God....

Yes, but God. Philippians 1:6 says "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Nearly 45 years ago, I received Jesus Christ as my Savior and Lord and even though there have been many times that I have wandered away from the Father, He continued to work in me because He is going to be true to His word and complete it.

The tunnel began to narrow and get more and more confined. The air became almost unbreathable. The pressure of previous choices were pressing in on me. I know now that God was using this time of my life to help me to see just how great was my need. I needed to surrender control of my life, my attitudes, my children in order to begin the journey out of the tunnel.

Slowly with the help and guidance of the Holy Spirit I began the slow assent up. Along the way, there have been companions, some new and some from days gone by who began to show the way. Encouraging me to keep believing, keep breathing in the fresh air of the Spirit. Gradually the tunnel began to widen and the air began to clear. Off in the distance I could see a faint light. And so I continued to crawl along, only faster.

And then it happened! I saw the end of the tunnel. Light broke upon the darkness and all was true and right again. God in His infinite mercy extended to me the opportunity to see His love in action. I feel a sense of freedom and joy that I have not felt in so long. He is good! He is faithful and He is true.

Time Away

As I write this entry, I am in a hotel room in Bismarck, North Dakota. It is truly one of my favorite places to visit. I love the land, the people, the simplicity of the life of here.

When I am away from home and things familiar it reminds me of how I really am a traveler in life. God never intended us to become so rooted down in the cares of the world that we would consider this place home. He wants us to always be looking forward to going home - and home is where God is.

So while we are temporarily roaming this earth our outlook should be one of seeing this time as a preparation for what it to come. What are we spending our time doing? What are we investing in? Are they temporary, fleeting objects that will be gone when our earthly travail has past? Or are we investing our hearts and lives into those people that we want to see with us in heaven?

The picture that I have posted with this entry is of a little church that I saw on the prairie here in North Dakota. The beautiful blue sky framed the church and all I could think of at that time was how the steeple pointed straight to heaven. We are always to be looking up - thinking of God and of the permanent home He is preparing for us. And one day in the clouds, the Savior will return to take us home to be with Him. There will be no more worry, no more fretting about things that really don't matter. For all of our sorrows will be turned to joy, all of our questions will be answered and we will be like Him for we shall see Him as He is.

How glad I am for time away. Time away reminds me that there are people and places all over the world where the love of the Savior is not known. There are people that have never heard the good news of salvation. The temporary home that they live in - is all that they know. Oh that I might be more concerned about the permanent future of those that I come in contact with as I travel from place to place in life's journey.

Disappointment

I suddenly realize that I have "arrived" at motherhood. Now you may be thinking, if you know me, wow - it took her a long time to get there. After all, Geoff just turned 23 in June. But, I finally have felt what I am sure mother's all over the world have felt for their children, disappointment.

I looked up the word in the dictionary. And of course as dictionaries so often it led me to another word - "the state or feeling of being disappointed." And so I looked up disappointed. And this really hit home -"depressed or discouraged by the failure of one's hopes or expectations".

Over the last six months or so, Geoff has been working extremely hard at his job in hopes of being promoted to a full-time position. This has meant doing things above and beyond the call of duty and often times having to clean up messes made by other people. His hard work had not gone unnoticed by those in authority over him. He had been told time and again that he was going to receive the promotion that he was working so hard for. Financially, he really needed this position. He and his wife have been struggling for awhile and I know that this would ease that situation tremendously.

So yesterday was to be the day. He had his suit in his truck, his shirt pressed, his tie clean and his spirits high. But, it didn't happen. In fact, he was told to go home. Somewhere in the bureaucracy of his company, the paperwork had not been completed correctly, or someone had forgotten to do what needed to be done. He was absolutely CRUSHED. So sad in fact that he went into hiding and would not answer his phone.

As a mom I was angry. Angry for him. Why would he not get what had been promised to him? Why would people lie to someone like him? My heart ached for him and for his wife. But, then I started to be angry with God. Maybe just a little bit. Or maybe a lot. After all I had prayed and prayed. My dear mom has prayed. Many others have prayed. But, God chose not to answer "yes" at this time. Why, God? What are you trying to teach Geoff? What are you trying to teach me?

Then this morning as I was reading the story of how God took the kingship away from Saul and gave it to David there was a verse that really touched me. I Samuel 15:29 says "He who is the Glory of Israel does not lie or change his mind; for he is not a man, that he should change his mind." So what does that have to do with this situation? Well, God has made many promises to us. He has promised that he has a path prepared for Geoff and Bethany. A path to give them hope and a future. He has promised that He will never leave them or forsake them. He has promised that we have no need to worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will take care of itself. And as I thought about all of these promises - and how God has been so faithful to me and to Geoff over the years - I realized that I wasn't angry any more. I was thankful. I am seeing that I must not try and manipulate God into my timing. His timing is perfect. His way is sure. And I can TRUST Him.

And so I have arrived. I now know how my dear Mom has felt all these years every time one of her chicks got hurt, made a mistake, brought sin into their lives. But, rather than worry and fret I am going to rejoice. Because He is not a man, that he would change His mind! Praise you, Father.