Disappointment

I suddenly realize that I have "arrived" at motherhood. Now you may be thinking, if you know me, wow - it took her a long time to get there. After all, Geoff just turned 23 in June. But, I finally have felt what I am sure mother's all over the world have felt for their children, disappointment.

I looked up the word in the dictionary. And of course as dictionaries so often it led me to another word - "the state or feeling of being disappointed." And so I looked up disappointed. And this really hit home -"depressed or discouraged by the failure of one's hopes or expectations".

Over the last six months or so, Geoff has been working extremely hard at his job in hopes of being promoted to a full-time position. This has meant doing things above and beyond the call of duty and often times having to clean up messes made by other people. His hard work had not gone unnoticed by those in authority over him. He had been told time and again that he was going to receive the promotion that he was working so hard for. Financially, he really needed this position. He and his wife have been struggling for awhile and I know that this would ease that situation tremendously.

So yesterday was to be the day. He had his suit in his truck, his shirt pressed, his tie clean and his spirits high. But, it didn't happen. In fact, he was told to go home. Somewhere in the bureaucracy of his company, the paperwork had not been completed correctly, or someone had forgotten to do what needed to be done. He was absolutely CRUSHED. So sad in fact that he went into hiding and would not answer his phone.

As a mom I was angry. Angry for him. Why would he not get what had been promised to him? Why would people lie to someone like him? My heart ached for him and for his wife. But, then I started to be angry with God. Maybe just a little bit. Or maybe a lot. After all I had prayed and prayed. My dear mom has prayed. Many others have prayed. But, God chose not to answer "yes" at this time. Why, God? What are you trying to teach Geoff? What are you trying to teach me?

Then this morning as I was reading the story of how God took the kingship away from Saul and gave it to David there was a verse that really touched me. I Samuel 15:29 says "He who is the Glory of Israel does not lie or change his mind; for he is not a man, that he should change his mind." So what does that have to do with this situation? Well, God has made many promises to us. He has promised that he has a path prepared for Geoff and Bethany. A path to give them hope and a future. He has promised that He will never leave them or forsake them. He has promised that we have no need to worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will take care of itself. And as I thought about all of these promises - and how God has been so faithful to me and to Geoff over the years - I realized that I wasn't angry any more. I was thankful. I am seeing that I must not try and manipulate God into my timing. His timing is perfect. His way is sure. And I can TRUST Him.

And so I have arrived. I now know how my dear Mom has felt all these years every time one of her chicks got hurt, made a mistake, brought sin into their lives. But, rather than worry and fret I am going to rejoice. Because He is not a man, that he would change His mind! Praise you, Father.