Recently I have found myself addicted to a sit-com that portrays a disfunctional family where the mom (played by Reba) continues to deal with the repercussions of her ex-husbands choices. She befriends (though not by her own choice) the "other" woman and deals with the high school pregnancy of her elder daughter and sweetheart. Through it all Reba maintains a strong position within the family and hides from all who see her the pain and rejection she must have felt.
Some may ask why I watch such silly drivel. I mean after all what woman would have the woman who wrecked her marriage in her home let alone be her best friend. Why would she continue to even interact with the man who wrecked havoc on the family that she had such pride in? But as I watch it I am always drawn to some of the parallels of my own life.
The "Reba Life" is one where she looks beyond what happened to her and tried to find a way to keep the spirit of the family alive. She worked hard at putting aside her own pain and focusing on managing the hopes and dreams of her children. Sometimes she even allowed herself the luxury of losing her temper and voicing the pain that was a part of her every day existence. Her life was changing fast. Who she was and who she wanted to be were not the same. She could not just sit and struggle with the result - she had to get beyond it.
In the real world we don't have the fairy tale situation that this "Reba Life" portrays. I would love at time to scream at the pain that has been such a part of my life these past seven years. Sometimes I want to shake my fist at my family and say "Don't you see me", "Can't you feel my pain and walk through this with me?" But, I don't. I hide behind a plastic smile and manage to get on with things. Yet, inside I hurt and yearn for the days that have escaped me. Choices were made and decisions made that cannot be undone. I am trying to learn how to get beyond it.
Reba seems to be true to herself. She does not allow people to walk all over her. She speaks her mind and deals with the reality of her world. That is what I want for myself. I want to be able to be of a single mind. I want to have my life be congruent with what I know that God has for me. I believe that the only way that I can have a life that is fulfilled and a life of true significance is to get beyond the sin and heartache of the past and live as the beloved of Christ that I am. I need to focus on being a child of God. Live in obedience to the known will of God and to seek to be more and more in love with the lover of my soul.
Life after sinful choices is not a comedy. It is an effort to move through every day. It is an effort to see the good in what has occured. It is an effort to let go of what was. But, it is possible to find life again. Only through the forgiveness that God provided through the death of His dear son can I walk worthy of this love. How thankful I am that my life has meaning because meaning comes from God. All that I am and all that I ever hope to be - I surrender to You, Father. May the very breath that I breathe be wholly unto you.
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1 comment:
I love stained glass. Not sure when I started to, but I think it was when I sat in an empty church with stained glass windows, and when the sun shone through them, the beauty of it all held me spellbound. When I think of your life, I think of a mosaic. Where God takes all the broken pieces and painstakingly crafts them into a beautiful work of art, and shines his sunbeams through them. He never wastes our pain you know? You are loved, you are chosen, You have a great destiny my friend.
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