Forgiveness

"Whenever you are in a critical temper, it is impossible to enter into communion with God." Oswald Chambers

Lately, I have been pondering forgiveness and what it means to me and also what it costs. Obviously, as a Christian I am very grateful for God's forgiveness. Without it, I would be lost eternally and would never know what it means to walk in the light of my salvation. But, what about forgiveness from others? Or what about granting forgiveness?

There have been circumstances where I have done or said things which have brought harm and pain to others. It is a very humbling and sometimes frightening prospect to approach asking for their forgiveness but I believe it is actually easier at times than forgiving someone else.

I have harbored deep inside of my heart a very deep-seeded anger and woundedness toward someone for many years. This anger has seeped into my every day life and at times even invades my dreams. It causes me to fall short of the meaningful relationship with my Father that I long for. He wants me to be able to open my hands and let it go. Forgive. And get beyond it.

This will require letting go of a big crutch that I have held for so long. I mean after all if I hold onto my anger I can excuse my behavior. I can fall back on what has become a comfortable old friend. But, this old friend is really a snake in the grass. It consumes me with the poison that it inflicts with each biting criticism or nasty thought that I allow.

How can I who deserves no mercy, no forgiveness, no acceptance by the God of heaven be unwilling to forgive? Oh God, forgive me for my hard heart. Forgive me for my critical spirit that has blocked my communion with you. Please help me to let go of the anger and hurt of the past and realize that this is a new season. A new start. A new life that you have given to me. I do not want to wallow in the pain of the past any longer. You know the one that this is pointed to. And I pray that your hand of blessing would rest upon him and that his life would be one of purpose.

Forgive me and fill me with the joy of knowing that your Spirit lives within me and brings me to the place where I can surrender the pain of the past and move to the place of quiet joy that You alone can give.