Matthew 9:36 "When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd."
Lately, it seems that due to my characteristic behaviors I find myself feeling just like the crowd that Matthew writes about in the verse above. I feel harassed and helpless. In my head I know that I need to lean on the Shepherd, listen to His voice and follow - but my heart at times leads me in the opposite way into dangerous areas of disobedience. Why is that?
I know that when we come to faith in Christ, we have the fullness of the Godhead indwelling us and that the Spirit takes up residence within us. But, we still continue to want our own way, make decisions a part from Him and at times totally walk opposite of the path that the Shepherd leads us on. This is frustrating to me. There are times where I just think "why can't I just walk as the Shepherd wants me to walk, why do I feel I have to go my own way?"
Last night I spent a lot of the wee hours of the morning thinking about this. It seems that despite all the lessons learned in the past I still struggle with the Lordship of Christ. I choose Him as Savior, but yielding to His Lordship is still an issue. I want to continue to keep my "fingers" in it. Full and complete release of control is very hard for me. And so I make choices that often times are not reflective of the fact that I am the embodiment of Christ here on earth.
Will I ever be surrendered completely? Perhaps that is the problem. Maybe I think that this is something that happens here on earth when in reality the total and complete surrender comes only when we are in heaven. The free will that God gave to us continues to war with the Lord over who is in control. It may be that the war can only be won one battle at a time. Perhaps I am not looking at this as I should. Perhaps I am thinking that complete victory is possible here.
As I was writing this a song came to mind from long ago days. We don't sing these songs much any more but the words are so appropriate for where I am at today. I pray that the words of this old hymn will become real to me today.
Savior, Like a Shepherd Lead Us
by William Bradbury
Savior, like a shepherd lead us
Much we need Thy tender care;
In Thy pleasant pastures feed us
For our use Thy folds prepare:
Blessed Jesus, Blessed Jesus
Thou has bought us, Thine we are;
Blessed Jesus, Blessed Jesus
Thou has bought us, Thine we are.
We are Thine; do Thou befriend us
Be the Guardian of our way;
Keep Thy flock, from sin defend us
Seek us when we go astray:
Blessed Jesus, Blessed Jesus
Hear Thy children when we pray;
Blessed Jesus, Blessed Jesus
Hear Thy children when we pray
Early let us seek Thy favor;
Early let us do Thy will;
Blessed Lord and only Savior
With thy love our bosoms fill:
Blessed Jesus, Blessed Jesus
Thou hast loved us, love us still;
Blessed Jesus, Blessed Jesus
Thou hast loved us, love us still.
Amen and Amen. Blessed Jesus, love me still.
Posts
1 comment:
These are great thoughts, C. I think that most of the time what keeps me from surrender is fear and pain. Its kind of comforting to think that Christ seemed to struggle with that as well. In the garden he was dealing with so much grief and pain, and was aware of the more that was still ahead. And in the struggle towards acceptance and surrender he asked if this cup could pass from him.
Sometimes I am afraid that what God is asking of me is not truly good. So I am afraid to move towards it. And that is a trust issue.
And then once I make the decision to follow, he asks me to take up my cross and find life through death to all that is not Him.
But here's the thing...dying is SO PAINFUL. Death is rest. Its the dying that is hard. And we like to numb the pain of it with so many other things. But ressurection comes through death. We all must be reborn. I used to think that was a moment in time. No longer. I think rebirth is something that happens in bits and pieces. And its really hard to stay in a place where God is remaking us. And Satan, and life, and people make it worse sometimes. That's why we need the shepherd. He keeps bringing us back. His gentle voice keeps drawing us to Him.
Oh, and Carol, Jesus wanted me to let you know that He always has and He still does.
B
Post a Comment