One Square at Friendly's

This morning I spent a couple of spirit-led hours with my dear friend, Becky. I didn't know if we would be able to meet today because of the sleet that was falling when I woke up. But, we braved the elements and headed out.

For the first few minutes we caught up on the latest in the lives of our families but within a short time we got down to the subject at hand. What does it really mean to love God? How many times do you think that discussion takes place at your local restaurant?

On the table-top were a series of small squares of light tan. I began using those as points to our discussion. We talked of how our sin keeps us in a box that Satan uses to his advantage. We are bound by the condemnation that he whispers in our ear. Meanwhile, God is quietly calling to us to remember that He has said "Therefore there is now no condemnation to them that are in Christ Jesus." This led us to wonder why it is that we cannot trust ourselves when it comes to hearing the still small voice of our Father. Why is it that we can hear so clearly the voice of the oppressor, yet the lifegiver we at times refuse to believe we have heard. Is it because we feel we are not worthy of His voice? Or is it because it has just been safer to be in the box. After all, there is nothing really required of us when we live within the boundaries of the past. It becomes safe. It is easy to condemn ourselves for the failures of the past rather than to move past them. It is easier to be co-dependent on ourselves.

Now that was a new square in the discussion. I have suffered from co-dependent behavior most of my life. There has always been something that I have tried to use to fill the emptiness of my spirit. The co-dependency led to a long dry period in my life where I turned away from God and from a spirit-fed life because I felt let down. Why was it that God had allowed this to happen to me? He said that I was fearfully and wonderfully made. If that is so - why would He make me this way? I realized as I discussed this further with Becky that I have now transferred my co-dependent behavior from other people to a co-dependence on my own failures. As long as I muse through them, softly massaging the memories - I can remain in the box.

But, God brings us freedom. He shouts - Perfectly love casts out fear. Why do you want to be in that box that contains you - that keeps you from living the abundant life? Why are you fearful of being who I made you to be? Why are you afraid to share the freedom from sin that I have provided? Do you love me enough? This makes me think of how Jesus said to Peter, "Peter, do you love me?"

Father - my heart's desire is to be totally in love with You, to hear your voice as you whisper your love to me. I pray for the strength to move out of the boxes that I made and to live in the freedom that only You provide. Let me hear Your voice and teach me to hear it and to respond - trusting that I can hear You. Let my spirit be free from the co-dependence on my past. Help me to live in Your trust.

Bless you, Becky. Bless you for your faithfulness to me even when I ran away. Bless you for your fierce desire to live for God. Bless you for being willing to turn to the wolves and say "No, I will not abandon my Father." May God richly bless you for being His daughter and living your life as transparently as you can. May you continue to hear the voice of the Shepherd.