The Turning of a Page

You know tomorrow my little girl turns 19. It seems only yesterday I was cleaning up after spills and diapers. Listening to her sing nursery rhymes and learning to count. Binding up cuts and kissing "boo boos". And now, she is a woman. And she is about to set off on the adventure of a life time. It is the turning of a page for her and the end of an era for me.

For a long time I have experienced the cold, hard reality that my children have grown up and really don't "need" me any more. They are pretty self-sufficient and able to survive quite nicely without all of my wisdom - even though I still try and give it. Now, I have become what I never thought I would become - like my mom.

I wring my hands with worry about the decisions that they make. Shake my head in frustration when they don't take all of my sound advice. Wag my tongue at any that will listen when my heart is broken. And pray all the time that God will take the small flicker of hope that I hold that they will return to the One that holds their future.

It is a difficult thing to let go of your children. We say that we surrender them to the Lord when we dedicate them when they are babies but it is a whole different thing to actually trust Him when we must take our hands off and set them free. Trust is something that does not come easy to me. I want to hold onto the strings and keep a tight grip on their comings and goings. I want to protect them from all the evil in the world and more importantly protect them from themselves. But, like my mom with me, I cannot do this. I must sit by and watch and pray.

But, I am going to be different than my mom. I am going to stop worrying. I am going to commit them to God and pray for their well-being knowing that He loves them far more than I ever could. I am going to trust that He will guard their footsteps and put a hedge of protection around them. And I am going to claim the promise of the prodigal son that my children will one day return back to the Father.

And tomorrow, when my little girl turns 19 - I will wish her well. I will put all of the mothering to rest knowing that I have done what I could. I will forgive myself for the mistakes I have made and the hurt that I have caused and put my energy into living a life that my children can respect. They may not always agree with me - or me with them - and that is okay.

Here is to the turning of a page in the book of Claire's life. And here is to the end of an era in my role as mother.

God bless you Claire! I love you.