I Wonder as I Wander

 

Over the past couple of weeks I have heard an old Christmas carol that rarely gets sung any more.  And today while I was out walking I heard the carillon from one of our town's churches ring out the melody to "I Wonder as I Wander". Seemed like God was prompting me to think about the words.  

As I meandered my way home I left a trail of tracks in the freshly fallen snow. Those tracks soon to be a passing memory of the time I walked this road, hidden by the continually falling snow. This is a picture of our lives. We leave a trail for those who follow behind us but it is soon erased by the passage of time. In the meanwhile, what memory do we leave those who follow us?  Are we pointing them to Christ by our actions, do we show the light that we have within us? Or are we absorbed by the darkness that we live in?

It has been very easy this year to fall prey to the discouragement of the health situation, political chaos, and personal issues that continue to beat us all down. But then I stop in the quietness of the day and think about the real meaning of Christmas and it gives me heart to press on.  We can find our comfort in the fact that Jesus came to bring the light out of the darkness.  He came to save ornery people like you and like I.  And I wonder as I wander what paths He would have me take in the days that I have to live. I want to lead others to the peace that comes from knowing that Emmanuel is with us.  Always with us. 

He came, surrendering His Kingly throne to be born in a humble stable.  Why?  Because He loves us!  And so I wonder as I wander how to love Him more deeply, more earnestly.

"I wonder as I wander, out under the sky
How Jesus the Savior, did come for to die
For poor orn'ry people like you and like I
I wonder as I wander, out under the sky

When Mary birthed Jesus, t'was in a cow stall
With wise men and farmers and shepherds and all
And high from God's heaven a starlight did fall
And the promise of ages, it then did recall

If Jesus had wanted for any wee thing
A star in the sky or a bird on the wing

Or all of gods angels in heaven to sing

He surely could've had it, 'cause he was the king"

Raise My Ebenezer

I Samuel 7:12 "Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen, and called its name "Ebenezer", saying, "Thus far the Lord has helped us."

Nearly 20 years ago during one of the darkest periods of my life I went for a walk in the woods with a very dear friend.  We had been discussing the faithfulness of God and how even when we are faithless - He is always faithful.  We came across a couple of really nice flat stones and we took them back to her camp and we wrote "Ebenezer" on each one.

This rock has traveled from house to house with me ever since.  It was only just this past week when we were studying the life of Samuel that I was reminded of this rock.  It seemed so appropriate to go and find it and write about it.

There is an old hymn called "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" that has been one of my favorites over the years.  In the second stanza it says:

"Here I raise my Ebenezer

Here there by Thy great help I've come

And I hope, by Thy good pleasure

Safely to arrive at home

Jesus sought me when a stranger

Wandering from the fold of God

He, to rescue me from danger 

Interposed His precious blood"

Samuel placed this rock as a stone of remembrance of all the ways that God had helped the people of Israel during all their wanderings.  And how good it is for me to also remember that.  During times of my wanderings God showed Himself faithful.  There were parents, family and friends that prayed for me and continued to reach out to me even when my actions were disappointing to them.  Why?  Because they felt the prompting in their hearts by my faithful Father to hold me close.  And over time the dark clouds parted and I could once again see the light of His love and come back to what I knew all along was the source of my joy and peace. He, rescued me from danger.

And even now when we find ourselves in this dark time in our country we should raise our Ebenezer and remember all the ways that God has proven Himself faithful to us.  If it were not for His grace we would be completely undone.  And He continues to be there - waiting for us to humble ourselves and pray and ask Him for His help and guidance as we navigate the troubled waters.  No man or woman can solve the heavy problems that face us now.  Only our God, the giver and sustainer of life holds all the answers.  We need not fear, we need not despair, we need only to trust - knowing this "Thus far the Lord has helped us."

We Don't Have to Join in the Chaos

"But you belong to God, my dear children. You have already won a victory over those people, because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world." I John 4:4

Some days I just don't feel like a winner.  I feel beaten up and weary by the continual pummeling of the media all around me. Someone says this, someone says that.  Who knows what is right. We try and base our decisions on facts - but what are the facts? Who do we trust?

Many have chosen to "unplug" from the deluge of Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Tiktok posts.  And to be truthful, I have been tempted to do the same.  But, I would miss all the good that I glean from them I guess. In all of it one thing I have determined is - I don't have to join in the chaos.

Ultimately, what we are seeing pushed out as facts often are nothing more than someone else's opinion.  Or, it is someone interpreting what someone else said or wrote. It is like the old game of gossip.  Just line up 10 people in a row sometime and whisper a sentence in their ear and see if it is anywhere close to what you said by the time it reaches the end of the line! People can spin anything to make statements say what they want it to say. And we have to be wise enough to determine its validity.

When I read these things I have to control the urge to put my thoughts out there.  Then I think "I don't have to join in the chaos."  My opinion is exactly that - my opinion. And honestly, who cares? The people who know my heart would understand.  They would understand that my intent is never to bring harm but to foster kindness.  But those who don't know me might misinterpret my intentions.  And so I remain quiet.

I truly believe that the evil we are seeing in this period of our history is nothing more than the plotting of the evil one who seeks to destroy.  His plot has been going on since the beginning of time when he sought to be equal with God.  Yet, I know that he will never have the victory.  Jesus came to overcome and He will be the ultimate victor!  I trust in Him and I do not have to put my trust in men or women who may or may not have my best in mind.  I also do not need to add to any of the chaos that Satan has put out on the world stage for all to see. I can simply be obedient to what I know God has called me to be.  Be kind, be loving, be patient, be generous, be peaceful, be good, be faithful, be gentle, be self-controlled.  If I focus on that - there is little time to be involved in the chaos!

Going Through a System Reset

Over the past several weeks our church has been working through a sermon series called "Christ likeness in Crisis."  Each week one of our pastors would work through one or more of the Fruit of the Spirit found in Galatians 5:22 and 23.  What I believe to have been the objective was to help us to look introspectively into our lives and see how we measure up during this period of crisis here in the United States.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."

My husband and I belong to a Bible study group that meets on Thursday night to review the message from the previous weekend.  To say that this has been a challenge for me is an understatement.  I look into my dark heart and wonder if I exhibit the fruit in a way that truly shows to others "Christ likeness in Crisis." Have I been more loving, more gentle, more faithful, more self-controlled or have I been all about me?  Have I sought ways to reach out to those who are different than me in ways of kindness, peace and patience?  Have I found joy in this time?

After a long hard evaluation, I think I need to hit the "reset" button.  I need to be intentional about these characteristics.  I need to stop excusing my impatience, my lack of faithfulness, my unbridled emotions that can lead to anger and harshness.  I need to come back to the Source of the Fruit.  The One who truly exhibited the Fruit in His daily interactions.

Jesus is the example I need to follow.  He exhibited love in the face of hatred. He lived joy in  the midst of His difficult journey.  He presented peace in the midst of chaos.  He demonstrated patience with the most frustrating.  He was kind even to those who persecuted Him.  He was good even in the evilness of His day.  He was faithful while completing the most difficult task. He was gentle in the response to brutality and He demonstrated self-control when all around Him were people intent on destroying Him. 

How then can I do any less than hit reset and start again?  I must look beyond myself and see the needs around me with an open heart and a willingness to reach out to those that God places in my life who may challenge my safe little world.  What is in the past is exactly that - the past.  Now, to move on to the future and with God's help I will see growth in my life to be a woman committed completely to living as one who seeks to be like my Savior.

Variety by Design

Today as I was returning home from my noon time walk with Mallie, I took a minute to look at all the flowers that we have in our yard.  And what struck me was the variety of type and the variety of color. 

Some people like to be much more uniform in their gardening.  They like to have one or two different types of flowering plants and arrange them in neat little rows and call it a day.  I am more the find a flower and plop it kind of gardener.  Each year I try something new but then I also pick some of my favorite standbys.  I look at it and say "that is good!"

It made me think of the verse in Genesis 1:31 "Then God looked over all He had made, and saw that it was very good! And evening passed and morning came, marking the sixth day." There is one little key word in that verse that I want to focus on today.  It is the word "all."

We live in troubled times. I have watched the news, I have read the posts, I have cried a few tears over the events of the past few days and really the events of the entirety of mankind. We live in such a broken world, filled with prejudice, hate, injustice. And I know that at times I have been guilty of all three.

The apostle Paul in his writing to the Romans said in chapter 12 verse 9 "Don't just pretend to love others. Really love them.  Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good." And so I challenged myself - do I really love others, others who are different than me?  Do I see the variety of God's human creation as beautiful and yet equal?  Do I choose variety or do I simply stick with sameness?  Do I see the inequities and work to facilitate change or do I hide behind the safety of my little garden?

May I seek to be planted in gardens of color, of diversity, of beauty.  All of humanity - made in the image of God.  None better than the other.  May my heart continue to be tender toward the plight of those who are disenfranchised with their way of life.  May I be willing to sacrifice for others just as Christ did for me.

Feeling Puzzled?

 I am not sure about you - but I am certainly feeling very puzzled by all that has been swirling around in the news lately.  You begin to wonder who to trust, who really understands and who can ensure that what we are doing with the current health situation is the right thing.

Each day more and more pieces of this puzzlement come to light.  And try as I might I find that not all of the pieces seem to fit together.  I have tried to force a fit.  Tried to make plans, tried to organize events only to find that it was not going to work.  I find myself out of sorts at times with all of this upheaval.

Interestingly different regions of the country as well as different regions of the state are experiencing different outcomes with the testing of COVID-19.  It is like a puzzle that has different images.  What pieces fit for one region will not fit for another.  And yet, each image needs to be put together in order to have a whole puzzle.  Each region of the puzzle touches another region.  The pieces all need to fit together. 

When working on a puzzle it seems to work best for me when I step away for a bit and allow my mind and eyes a rest from viewing all of the pieces.  It seems to me that when I come back to the puzzle a piece will jump out to me and I will be able to be one step closer to finishing the puzzle. Perhaps that is the way that this whole puzzle will be solved.  I really am trusting that each state and each community will do what they need to do in order to allow the country to be put back together soon! 

One thing that I do know for sure - God has this all under control!  There is nothing about this that is a surprise to Him.  And He will be faithful to see us all through this confusing and troubling time.  And in the end - the puzzle will be complete and will be a beautiful finished product with all the pieces found and in their proper place. 

Stay safe all! 

A Very Different Spring

Now and again I like to write poetry.  Not that I consider myself very good at it.  But, today I felt like jotting down a few lines. 

Quietly I see Spring arrive
     Not like any I have seen before.
Oh the flowers and trees are the same
     But sadly I long for more.

I long to see children headed off to school
     And baseballs flying through the air.
I long to see people's faces unmasked
     With hugs and handshakes given without care.

I long to spend time with my family and friends
     In times of laughter and good cheer.
I long to pause in conversation and reflect
     About a time when there was little to fear.

I long to celebrate Easter in church
      With loud hosannas ringing in my ear.
I long to corporately worship
      To bring honor to my Savior dear.

Quietly I see Spring arrive
       Not like any I have seen before.
My heart will never quite be the same
       But perhaps God gave me more

More time to reflect, more time to pray,
       More time to cherish what He gives today.
More time to sing, More time to play,
       More time to live, More time to enjoy each day.

Who is Keeping My Mind?

Every morning when I wake up I think about what is on my to do list or what appointments I have on my calendar.  And every night when I lay my head down I review how I did.  Some days I have a feeling of satisfaction and some days I feel let down. 

Throughout the day my mind can wander into places that either inspire me or defeat me.  It is all a matter of choice.  What I fill my mind with, the news I listen to, the books I read, the TV I watch - all of it plays into the way I go through my day.  I am finding, especially right now, that the consumption of news can make me anxious and can make me feel almost imprisoned.  So I am choosing to limit that to a few key interviews each day and then let the sound bites go. None of it helps me or motivates me to be the best I can be.  It does not help me with what is on my to do list nor does it help me to be an encouragement to those that I have appointments with.

The prophet Isaiah many, many years ago had the right idea.  These encouraging words are what I need to fix my mind on. God will keep me in perfect peace if I keep my mind fixed on trusting Him. I really just noted the word "perfect".  Not just peace, but perfect peace.  But, there is an action that is required on my part.  My part is to be steadfast in fixing my mind on the faithfulness of God and to trust that He has all of this in hand.

It is hard.  It is something that I must exercise.  It will not just happen.  So, I am going to really work at this.  I am going to make an effort beginning now to look up to the One Who truly can give me peace and not look to men who cannot.  I am going to faithfully pray for our leaders but I am not going to have expectations of them that are beyond their power to fulfill.  I am going to practice smiling again and counting my blessings instead of focusing on the things that I cannot change.  I am going to be kinder, gentler and more merciful to those who I disagree with.  And I am going to allow God to keep my mind fixed on Him as I live out these days of uncertainty. 

And maybe in the process - I will go to bed with more feelings of satisfaction than let down!

Hope in a Time of Anxiousness

For several days now we have been in an anxious world. For some it has been longer than that. And as we look out into this uncertain future I wondered if I even had anything worth saying to add to all the frantic posts, angry news articles and tweets.  So maybe this is just for myself that I write.  Or maybe it might be an encouragement to some of my family and friends. 

I am an anxious person.  There - I admitted it.  I think I inherited worry from my sweet mom.  She was the queen of worry.  But, she also was the queen of prayer.  Some may say that the two are diametrically opposite things and I suppose she would have even admitted that. I think that mom wanted so badly to have everybody safe, healthy and happy that she fussed when they weren't. Then she would turn to the One who was able to keep us, to provide for our needs and to ultimately save us from ourselves. I am trying to become more like that.

I hate all of the angst caused by political things that do nothing to encourage our people. I hate that health care workers worldwide are being stretched thin and working in conditions that are beyond my imagination.  I hate that people I care about have lost jobs and the financial resources to care for their families. I hate that children are cooped up in homes where they are not cared for. But, most of all I hate that we turn against one another when what we should be doing is pulling together and contritely asking God for His grace in this difficult time.

I have focused a good bit in the last couple days on an old hymn from my childhood. "In times like these you need a Savior. In times like these you need an anchor; Be very sure, be very sure your anchor holds and grips the Solid Rock!" I find hope in those words.  The solid rock is Jesus!  He is the one.  And I can rest in the fact that He is not taken by surprise by any of what has taken place.  And He will hold onto me during these days of anxiety and restlessness.  And what can I do?  I can trust in Him.  I can delight in Him.  I can find my hope in Him.  He never changes and He never slumbers or sleeps. I can be kind. I can hold my tongue when what I have to say does nothing to encourage others. And I can look for ways to help those around me who are struggling.

And as my sweet mom would so often say, "Carol, this too shall pass!" And she was right!

Where is Our Peace?

Isaiah 53:5

"But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace."

All around us at this frantic time of year is the thought of peace.  We long for it, we hope for it, we search for it.  Yet it feels at times that we can never really find it.

What really brings us peace? Is it the end of conflict? Is it the satisfaction of a job well done? Is it relief from illness? Is it the quiet after a day of incredible noise? All of these are a type of peace but they are hollow and fleeting.

Real peace - the peace that passes all understanding is wrapped up in the life of Christ, the babe that was born to die.

Imagine what it must have been like to be a shepherd on the hillside keeping watch when the angels burst forth with the proclamation "Fear not!" I bet that rocked their world and shook up the peace of that night.Their peace, like ours was comprised of earthly peace. Now all of a sudden the angelic host ushered in a new peace - the promised peace.

The shepherds sought out the one that the angels heralded - the Prince of Peace.  He was the one foretold by the prophet Isaiah hundreds of years before. This Prince brought the lasting peace, the one that our hearts cry out for. This peace cost Him everything.

He bore the chastisement that was meant for me, for you, for the whole world. This sacrifice brought about the lasting peace that we all long for. The penalty of our iniquities was laid upon Him and He bore it all for one reason - He loved.

And so during this time of year when we sing of goodwill and peace on earth, I will be mindful that it is so much more than what is commonly believed.  This is the peace that will take me into eternity to live in relationship with the One who bore it all. This peace is the greatest gift of all.

The Desires of My Heart

This morning I was thinking a lot about the desires of my heart.  And this verse came to my mind.  It seems that over the course of time I have really been confused about what the desires of my heart should be.

This verse starts out by saying that my primary focus should be delighting myself in the Lord.  In doing that He will give me the desires of my heart.

Reflecting over the years of my life I see that my focus was on myself - not on delighting God.  In so doing the desire of my heart was selfish.  All I wanted and all that I strove for was to feel precious to someone.  I did not see completely that I was and still am precious to someone.  I am precious to the only One that really matters in the long run.   

By putting the focus on myself instead of on God I pursued acceptance at any cost.  I went down paths that hindered me and brought harm to those that loved and cared for me. And ultimately, I still did not have the true desire of my heart.  There still was a longing that only God can fill.

It still is difficult for me to not fall prey to the desire to be loved by everyone.  I find myself still striving to make everyone happy.  But, perhaps not as much as I once did.  Perhaps there has been some growth in delighting myself in the Lord.  I am seeing more and more that His will for me is perfect and will lead me to the place where my heart's desire will be to surrender all that I am to Him and to obediently follow what I know to be true and right.  Each day will find me walking closer to Him and less in the things that drew me away. 

God does often allow us to "get" the desires of our heart when we manipulate situations or completely disobey what He has told us in His Word.  When we do this we may temporarily feel we have gotten what we thought we wanted but we will likely find that it was a shallow and fleeting delight.  We can also discover that it was a complete sham.  Thankfully, His grace covers these times of wandering after the things we so desperately thought would bring us happiness.  It is only when we put our focus on delighting in Him that we can truly have the desires of our heart that bring us joy, peace, happiness and love.  There is no question that to live out life in this way will bring the ultimate contentment we so long for.

White as Snow

This morning we got our first dusting of snow here in south central PA.  I always look at snow with mixed emotions.  I am not really a fan of the cold that accompanies it but I am truly a fan of what snow represents in my life.

God's word says that "though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow." So as I look out my window and I see the snow I am reminded of this truth.

My life has certainly not been what I would have liked it to be.  I made choices along the way that took me off of the path that God had laid out for me.  Choices that hurt many along the way and more importantly, hurt the God that I love.  But, I can rejoice in the words of Zephaniah that my God will save, He will rejoice and He will quiet my heart and exult over me with love.  My sins though they are scarlet, they shall be whiter than snow.  What a joy to reflect upon.

None of us are without sin.  We all have fallen short of God's standard.  Yet, He provided the way of salvation.  It is at this season of advent that we reflect on the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ.  He who knew no sin became sin for us.  And because the penalty has been paid our debt of sin has been erased. 

As Christmas approaches, I am choosing to reflect on forgiveness.  This forgiveness, so freely given is there for the taking.  Examine your heart.  Are you looking to Jesus as the Savior of your soul?  Do you recognize Him as the one who washes your sins and makes you whiter than snow?  Can you sense that He is rejoicing over you because of His great love?  I am.  Praising Him for the time so long ago when I made my profession of faith.  Praising Him that despite some detours along the way that I am now seeking to know Him more deeply and more profoundly with each passing day.  Praising Him for the snow that reminds me of His cleansing of all my sin!  What a Savior!

Thankful for Little People

How can it be possible that in just a little over a month this little guy will turn 6?  And how is it possible that within a few weeks he and his parents will be homeowners just 20 miles away from me?  How is it possible?  God's grace!

Over the time since Oliver has been around, I have had a certain sadness that would come over me when I thought of how much I had missed.  He was so far away and I got to see him at best twice a year.  I missed first steps, first birthday, first Christmas, first words, so many firsts. And to be truthful, I felt a pang of jealousy when I would see my friends who lived near their grand kids be able to spend so much time with them.

And then the news came that my daughter, son-in-law and Oliver would be moving to south central PA!  For the last 10 months I have enjoyed being able to see them and to experience some new firsts.  First Easter, first Halloween, first fireman's carnival, first overnight with gramma, and soon our first Thanksgiving!  And to top that off, if all goes well I will be able to help them move into their first home in early 2020!  How is it possible?  God's grace!

God's grace has seen me though so much.  He continues to see me through the wearisome times of life.  Times like when you have those aches and pains that weren't there just 5 years ago, or when you have relational conflicts that were not of your making, or when you lose someone who was so very precious to your heart.  And He has seen me though the joyful times of life as well.  Times like the marriage of my son and my daughter-in-law, the marriage of my daughter and my son-in-law and the birth of my wonderful grandson, Oliver.  He truly is the crown of the "aged".  (BTW I kind of wish it said later middle-aged....)

So this Thanksgiving, like many before, grace is what I am thankful for.  I do not deserve it.  I could never purchase it.  I can only grasp a hold of it and cherish it.  I can only pause throughout my days and say "thank you, Father" for all of the blessings, love and grace you shower me with.  May my heart continue to look into the future with a thankful heart knowing how great Your faithfulness has been in the past. 

Hand Me that Towel!

Ever look in that sink and wonder - where did all those dishes come from?  Or that pile of laundry that wasn't there the last time you looked?  Or that lawn that just keeps on growing?  The list goes on and on.  And there have been times over my adult life where I have grumbled at the sight of any one of these things.

Our natural tendency is to want to do those things which are fun or at least have some significance; not those things that end up on the never ending trail.  But someone must do them, right?

And how often do we go ahead and do these things and then silently (or maybe not!) complain that no one cares, no one appreciates?  We may even find ourselves not doing them at all while we wait for someone else to pick up the slack.

Jesus set the example that we are meant to follow.  Here He was the Master and He bent down low and washed the feet of His followers.  Peter did not want Jesus to do this and in fact rebuked Him for the effort.  Jesus basically said "If you don't let Me do this - you are not mine." And Peter in only Peter's way said "then wash all of me!"

We must fight our natural bent to want to be in the limelight.  We want to be recognized for our service, for our efforts, for our attention to the never ending jobs that fill our days.  But, Jesus wants us to do those things with the same posture He did.  He wants us to serve without attention.  He wants us to serve because we are His servants.  How can we do less than the Master?

It is a privilege to be able to care for our loved ones, friends and neighbors.  But, how hard it is to serve those that we find difficult to love, or those that are very different from us.  Yet, Jesus washed all the disciples feet.  All of them - including the one who would later betray Him.  What must have gone through Judas' mind as Jesus lovingly bathed his feet and wiped them dry?  Did he have a momentary twinge of regret for what he was about to do?  And Jesus?  He knew.  Yet, He continued.  No question - just served.

There is much to do.  The laborers are few and the harvest is plentiful.  Only as we are willing to set aside our own need for gratification will we be able to minister in the way that Jesus did.  Hand me a towel!  I want to serve.

A Day to Remember

Today we pause to give thanks for the men and women who have served our country in the military.  For several hundred years there have been individuals who put themselves in harms way so that we could enjoy the freedom that we have.  Many paid the ultimate price and laid down their lives for ours.  How can you ever really say thank you enough?

So often I have thought about the lack of creature comforts that our soldiers have experienced.  Or the separation from their loved ones.  Or the fear of death or injury.  Some of them enlisted to do this job, some were drafted.  Some made the military a career while others mustered out as soon as they could.  Each and every one took an oath when they joined up.  They stood and recited the following: "I, (Name), do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic, that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of  the United States and the orders of the officers appointed."

Some of these young men and women were just kids when they joined up.  They often were caught up in the excitement and romance of war.  And then reality hit.  Thousands of miles from home caught up in a conflict that they did not even understand they bravely obeyed those orders.  Many returned home with lifetime injuries that were physical, emotional or mental. Each one chose to lay down their life for their friend. You and me.

As I think of our Veterans I think about Jesus. I think of how He left the glory of heaven to come to this troubled earth.  He often lacked creature comforts.  He left His family home to wander the Galilean countryside.  He faced injury and death. And He willingly obeyed the will of His Father and laid down His life for His friends.  You and me.  How great a salvation!  How great a Savior!

So today, I thank our Veterans.  I thank the many who sacrificed so much that I might be able to write this blog entry without fear of being imprisoned.  I can speak freely of my faith and I can appreciate the freedom of choice that we all have.  We are indeed a country blessed by the lives of these faithful individuals.  May God richly bless the current military forces and also those who have served in the past.  And may God give comfort to the loved ones who have lost their precious sons or daughters in the pursuit of this freedom.

Why Affliction?

2019 may well go down as the year of affliction for many of my dear friends and family.  In fact, I have one friend who is counting down the days until we can say goodbye to this year.  When I ponder all of it - I think the common question is, why?

Why is it that we see those we love and care about struggling with family issues, health issues, financial issues and personal issues when they seemingly are such faithful stewards of the Savior they love? Why is it that they are burdened with these constraints that changed the very texture of their lives?  Why are they impacted so severely by the actions of others?  Why God, Why?

In the book of James, the brother of Jesus wrote that we are to count it all joy when we have trials of various kinds because those trials that test our faith produce steadfastness. But, how do we do that?  How can we be joyful in our trials?

David, in the Psalms demonstrated what I believe to be the answer to this.  David definitely knew about affliction.  He was chased into the mountains to avoid being captured by the king he served, he was ridiculed by his own children, he suffered the loss of his child due to his own sin and on and on it went. And as he poured out his heart to the Father, he recognized that it was good for him to be afflicted because he learned God's statutes in the process.

How do we learn the statues?  We learn by reading the Word and allowing its truths to permeate our heart.  We learn by being obedient even when it is hard.  We learn when we give praise even in the sorrow.  We learn when we share our victories and our struggles with those we come in contact with.  All of this will bring us joy - if only we are willing.

None of us know what the next day will bring.  Certainly none of my friends and family expected the adversity that came in 2019 when the calendar page turned last December 31st. I am praying that each one will someday be able to say with David, that it was good to be afflicted.  And I am praying that I too will remember this as I walk into the future. 

Seasons

There is likely no better season to reflect about change than fall.  During these three short months trees can go from glorious green, to the vibrant colors of yellow, orange or red, to barren.  In three short months.....

How like life. I have been reminded again this week of the seasons that we go through in our short span of time here on this earth.  We go through the exciting times of childhood, to the petulant times of teenagers, to the busyness of adulthood, to the quieter more reflective time of being an older adult.

I was recently listening to a sermon about the life of Paul when he was in prison.  In 2 Timothy he asked for his coat and his parchments.  I had read those verses over the years and never really thought much about it.  He was all alone in a cold, damp prison cell and what he asked for was a coat to warm him and his parchments to keep him busy.  Paul was likely very lonely because he was definitely a people-person. But, rather than wallowing in his season of loneliness he found two things that would help him manage.  He wanted to be warm and he wanted to be busy.

Loneliness is a season that hits all of us.  And it does not mean that we are not surrounded by people. Sometimes we can be the loneliest when we are right in the middle of all the hubbub of family life, work life and recreational life. We get this yearning in our heart to be understood for where we are in our lives and sometimes there is just no one who can fit that bill. Try as they might our loved ones cannot always help us overcome this season. So like Paul we need to find what will make us comfortable and what will keep us active and busy.

I find myself in this season right now. But, I am also thankful for it.  During this time I am finding that I am dwelling more and more on what is really important in life and worrying less and less about the things that are so fleeting and ultimately irrelevant. I am looking for ways to be busy with productive things that will help me to stay focused and also to be vigilant to try and help others who may be struggling with loneliness to feel cared for.  And I also look forward to a time when this season has passed.  I know that God never leaves me or forsakes me and that these times of loneliness are often meant to draw me closer to Him. How blessed I am that even in the loneliest of times I am never truly alone.

For what do I thirst?

Walking along the Allegheny River behind St. Bonaventure University on Friday night, my sister and I came up on three beautiful doe grazing in the golden high grass.  Their ears perked up when we came along but they were not afraid of us.  I guess seeing all the runners, walkers and bicyclists on the path each day makes them brave.

As I looked at them and then reflected on this picture that I took I was reminded of the beautiful verse in Psalm 42 where David compares his thirst for God to that of the deer that pants for water. David, just like the deer was intent on finding what would quench his thirst.  He continued to search no matter what the obstacle and no matter what deterrents others may have put in his way.  Just as the deer.  The deer feeds where the grasses are high and plentiful but never too far from the source of water that sustains their life.

Thinking about this I wondered what am I truly thirsty for?  What do I pursue to fulfill the longing in my heart?  What is it that actually satisfies my soul?  When I think of earthly pleasures I realize just how fleeting they are.  I can enjoy the company of my family, I can enjoy a lovely meal, I can drink a glass of refreshing water, I can view a magnificent sunset but within moments the pleasure is gone and I find myself searching again.

God's Word teaches that we can only find our satisfaction in Him alone.  He is to be the one we long for.  He is the only one that can meet our needs with finality.  He is the one that loves us unconditionally.  It is only as I thirst for Him and seek Him out that I can find the peace that has alluded me over the years.  Spending time reading His Word and getting spiritual nourishment from it, actually praying continually throughout the day to strengthen my relationship with Him and sharing with others who love Him are the waters that quench my thirst.  Each day is an opportunity to seek out this life-giving water.  May I be more and more like the deer that pants after the water, never satisfied with complacency. 

Some Trust In.....

Of late I have been thinking a lot about what I put my trust in.  Looking at this picture I see two items that over the years I have put a lot of trust in.  One is in the flag, which represents the country that I love and one is this red jeep, affectionately called "Little Red." Every time we go out for a ride in Little Red we expect her to fire right up, take us over rocky roads and bring us safely home.  I also have put my trust in the money that sits in the bank.  I believe or trust that the government will stand behind that money and that it will be worth something when I next go to pay a bill or purchase an item.

Then I think about the people that I have put my trust in. There have been parents, siblings, spouses, children, friends, teachers, pastors, co-workers that I have trusted over the years.  Some people have been trustworthy - others not so much. 

God's Word specifically says that putting our complete trust in anything other than Him is a very dangerous proposition.  I recently had a conversation with my husband about a couple of instances where I had trusted in friendship only to be burned by it.  He pointed out to me that my expectations of what makes a trusting relationship is not always the same expectation that the other individual had.  And because of that I have been hurt.  And I have also caused hurt.

There is only one relationship that is completely trustworthy.  That is the relationship that I have with my Father.  He knows and loves me with complete abandonment! In His grace I have assurance that no matter what He will be there to take care of my needs and to direct my steps. Even when I fail Him - He is still there.  He has never left my side or walked away in disgust, unfriended me on Facebook or refused to respond to correspondence.  No matter what!

The country I love could fail me, Little Red could break down on the highway and leave me abandoned, my money could all evaporate with the volatility of the markets. People can and have left me, either by choice or by death.  But, my God is there.  He will never leave me or forsake me.  In Him will I put my trust.  There is definite safety there!

Bent but not Broken

On my walks last week in Ocean City, NJ I passed this lovely tree on the grounds of the Ocean City Tabernacle.  At first I did not pay much attention to it but over the course of time it made me think about life when I saw it.

This tree represents a lot about my life. Look at how it started. Strong roots that went deep into the soil. Over the course of time those roots pushed up through the soil in search of the sunshine that is so prevalent at the shore. But then something happened. Something forced that limb to jut out to the right. Was it a storm or a series of storms? Was there a change in circumstances that forced the tree limb to go off to the side rather than to continue to grow straight and tall?  And then all of a sudden it seems that it adjusted itself and once again began to grow straight and true.

I thought about how this looks so much like my life.  I too had strong roots that went deep into the soil. Roots of a loving family that taught me so much about God and my need of a Savior. Roots that despite adversity brought nourishment that enriched me so that I could grow straight and tall, seeking the sonshine!

But then things happened.  Choices were made, compromises were made, complications set in. And all of a sudden life started to go sideways. And for many years that seemed to be the way that it was going to continue. I became very bent. Aimlessly growing; but, not growing in the right direction.

Yet through it all I never completely lost my faith. I continued to pray for the strength that I needed to make the adjustments necessary to grow in the right direction again. I just love this verse from Psalm 116 where it says that God bends down to listen! What a picture! He listened when I cried out in shame and desperation.  He listened when I railed at Him for not easily fixing my situation.  He listened when I softly cried out "I am done, please take control!" How blessed I am that He bent down and heard me. And for as long as I have breathe I will pray. He tenderly has gotten the "limb" aright and I am once again seeking the sonshine! Certainly, I am bent but I am not broken!